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Judith

Lucy

The comedian on a turbulent relationship with tofu

and why restaurants are her idea of heaven.

We hear you’re a terrible cook. True or false?

I used to have a best friend who was an

amazing cook. It was the ideal relationship

because we lived together for a long time.

She sprung me one day holding an egg in

one hand and a cookbook in the other,

looking up how to boil an egg. She never

let me forget that moment.

So you dine out a lot, then?It’s one of the

things I love about being alive. I’ve often

fantasised that when you die, heaven is just

an endless fantastic meal in a restaurant

surrounded by all the people you love.

That would suit me down to the ground.

How’s your appetite?I really love eating.

And I really, really enjoy having other

people cook for me.

What makes a great restaurant?I’m

obsessed with service and how it can

make or break a meal. I’m biased, but

the service in Melbourne is fantastic

(I grew up in Perth but moved to

Melbourne when I was 20). They’ve

somehow perfected that balance between

being friendly, incredibly knowledgeable

and leaving you alone to enjoy your night.

Where are you a regular?I’m stumbling

distance to Ilona Staller in Balaclava, and

I’ve spent many a New Year’s Eve there

for that exact reason.

What do you usually eat pre-show?I don’t

eat for many hours before I go onstage

because I’m too nervous, but it means that

when I come offstage I’m ravenous. At the

moment I’m touring with Denise Scott,

so we’ll go out and have a nice meal, and

then I’ll go back to my hotel and eat every

piece of shit in the minibar. I often wake

up in the morning and think “why did

I have the chipsandthe peanuts?”

Do you entertain much?I’m very happy to

have people over but we inevitably reach

for the Foodora, UberEats and EatNows.

What was a meal like around your family

table growing up?A nightmare. My mum

was perpetually on a diet and I grew up

thinking mashed potato was made out of

powder – and my parents were Irish. What

I loved is that she would essentially serve

the same stew six out of seven nights, but

she’d call it a different name each time.

When did your interest in food take off?

With dinner at the Hovane household.

The father of my best friend in high

school, Michelle Hovane, was

Czechoslovakian and they played a very

important part in my culinary journey.

It was the first time I ever tasted things like

bratwurst sausages and sauerkraut. They

had real coffee, too, as opposed to instant.

Michelle and I would go off to little

French restaurants around Perth with my

brother. He was 12 years older than me and

would let us buy half a bottle of wine. We

thought we were incredibly sophisticated

(even though we were probably only 14).

EATING WITH Then in our last year of school we’d sneak

into bars to have Brandy Alexanders.

We thought we were amazing because

we weren’t drinking cask wine.

What won’t you eat?Iworkedina

vegetarian restaurant for some time and

there was a tofu casserole that was not

something you ever needed to see in a

vulnerable state. There was a particular

day in my early twenties when I turned

up to work hungover. Every time I had

to serve up that casserole to someone

I would inevitably have to go and throw up.

Since then I’ve been very unfair to tofu.

What about your most memorable meal?

This is going to sound so wanky and, look,

if I read this I’d just want to shoot the

person, but I went to Italy earlier in the

year with my then partner and a couple

of friends. We stayed in a villa in Tuscany

and it was three nights of beautiful

summer evenings eating ridiculously rustic

Italian food, really simple pasta and

Caprese salads. I was with three people

who I loved. None of us wanted to leave.

What’s your soft spot?I still have a soft

spot for really simple meat and three veg.

And I’m obsessed with potatoes.

What can we expect fromDisappointments,

the show you’re doing with Denise Scott?

Scotty and I do a lot of complainingabout

our lives and about howdisappointed we

are, so I can guarantee you’ll leave feeling

a lot better about your own lives. And we

spend a lot of it in bed.

What’s been your greatest project to date?

I’ve been performing for nearly 30 years

and stand-up has meant that I’ve had some

amazing experiences. One of the best was

makingJudith Lucy’s Spiritual Journeyfor the

ABC. I got to go into the centre and hang

out with some female Aboriginal elders,

and I got to go to India and The Ganges.

Food and comedy – same-same or

different?Hopefully they both leave

you wanting more.●

Disappointments, with Judith Lucy and

Denise Scott, runs from 30 January to

11 February at the Sydney Opera House.

For tickets visit comedy.com.au

How I eat

INTERVIEW MAGGIE SCARDIFIELD. PHOTOGRAPHY JAMES PENLIDIS

GOURMET TRAVELLER 31