THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2019 The Boston Globe B11
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ThursdaySeptember19, 2019 Movies Sports News Specials Poweredby
A note about “Succession”: The title sequence
has become one of my favorites. Often, I forward
through theseopeners — especially on Netflix,
which cordially invitesyou to “skipintro.” I sat
through the long title sequence of “Mindhunter”
a few times, and I hope I never need to again.
But “Succession” openswitha mostly grainy
trip through the Roy family’s memory lane. The
home-movie imagery continually returns to the
super-wealthy family at leisure over the years,
dining in the elegant garden with the help of ser-
vants, playing tennis, and laughingsitting atop
an elephant. But we can detect the detachment of
the parents, withmombarely registering and
dad wandering off in the background. We can feel
the emotional emptiness underneath it all.
Otherwise,we see where these people wound
up, as the camera keeps grazingcityscapesand
lands for a moment on the Fox-like TV channel —
ATN News — that the Royshave created. On the
TV screen, we see a chyron reading “GENDER
FLUIDILLEGALS MAY BE ENTERING THE
COUNTRY ‘TWICE.’ ” It perfectly captures the
show’s snarky side, in case we weregetting sad
from all the barren nostalgia.
Best of all, though,is the music,by Nicholas
Britell. It’s virtuallya character on the show, as it
kicksin duringthe episodesas well.The gothic
piano cascades, the beat is hip-hop, the strings
are grandiose. It’s the sounds of a demented mer-
ry-go-round. And there’s a senseof malevolence
under it all, which is extremely apropos.Q.My family tries to be close, but when it comes
to me (the youngest) and my oldest sister (eight
yearsolder),wejustdon’tclick.
Despitebeingbornto the samepeopleand
raised in the same household,we have very dif-
ferent views, opinions,and beliefs aboutnearly
everything.
I don’t recall having a good relationshipas
children; she was always yelling or angry at me.
I was always closer to our brother (middle
child), who played with me and let me tag along
with him and his friends.
My sister never seemedinterested in being
close, though we did have our moments of get-
ting along.
As adults, this feels unchanged and strained;
she’s madeit clear she doesn’t approve of my ca-
reer, schooling, spiritual beliefs, and she was
openly skepticalabout my marriage (untilthe
ceremony), because my husband is older than I.
She always talks downto me, and once stat-
ed out loudthat she can’t respect me as an
adult. That hurt more than she’ll ever know.
She seems to believe that I don’t want to be
her sister, whenin reality I just don’t wantto be
around someone who makes me walk on egg-
shells.My parents wishwe’d get along, but I
can’t force myself to pretend anymore.
I will be civil, but I don’t feel we can be regu-
lar friends.
Is this awful of me? ShouldI keep trying?I
just don’t see the point.
YOUNGEST OF THREE
A.One of the most challenging aspects of the
sibling relationship is the struggle to cope with
a less-than-ideal dynamic.We all have this idea
that siblingsshould be best friends, but it often
doesn’t work out that way.
The fact is, you and yoursister were NOT
raised in the samehousehold with the same
parents. By the time you came along, your par-
ents wereeightyearsolder and had two other
children.There is a high likelihoodthat your
parentsraised you very differently thantheir
older children.
It’s also likely that your older sister actually
had a hand in helping to raise you. She just
didn’t get the memo that it’s time to stop.
I interpret some of the behavior you describe
as stereotypical“oldest child” stuff. She can’t re-
spect you as an adult becausein her mind,
you’ll always be the baby of the family. Passing
judgmenton you is the purview of the bossyel-
dest.Insight into the dynamic created by birth or-
der will NOT help you to get alongbetter with
your sister — but it may help you to see someof
her behavior in a new way. This insight should
help you to cope.
Read“The Birth OrderBook:Why You Are
the Way You Are,” by Kevin Leman (2015, Rev-
ell). Dr. Leman’s bookis a great first look into
the fascinating topic of birth order.Q.Is it appropriate for my wife to look up ex-
boyfriends on Facebook? And am I wrong to ask
her to stop?
WhenI asked her to stop doing this,she
said, “I will not stop. I would not cheat.”
I find it disrespectful that she is doingthis. I
also think her response is disrespectful.
Am I being too morally rigid? Am I just act-
ing jealous? Or do I needto find someone else
who is on the same page as me?
SOCIAL MEDIA TROUBLE
A.Facebookseemstailor-madefor lookingup
exes. Doesn’t everyone do this?
Context is important. Is yourwifedoing
somebenignlurkingand gloating? Or is she
connecting and communicating with her exes?
There is a big difference.
I agree that “I will not stop. I would not
cheat” is not a great response.Her choiceto
bringup cheating is pretty incendiary. But then
again, so is yourknee-jerk response to maybe
find another partner.
Youtwoareobviouslyatarelationshipim-
passe.I suspect that this social media dustup is
morea symptomthana cause.I hopeyou can
workthings out.Q.“Struggling” said she didn’t wantto attend a
wedding with her right-wing relatives.
Why do you always insist that politically con-
servative people are “boorish”? I’m so tired of
this consistent bias in your column.
TIRED
A.I’ve encounteredmany left-leaningpeople
who are closed-minded, reactionary, and “boor-
ish,” and have tackled questions regarding same
in my column.
In this case,I describedthe behavior as
“boorish” because “Struggling” referredto this
relative as an “insulting bully.”AmyDickinsoncanbe reached at
[email protected].ASK AMYSister dynamic could beabout birth orderCRAIGBLANKENHORN/HBOBrianCox plays theRoy familypatriarchonHBO’s “Succession.”
TVCRITIC’S CORNER
BYMATTHEWGILBERT‘Succession’ titlesequence offers insights