The school bully confronted Jimmy. The boy stepped back into a
casual posture and started to chat. As the bully’s actions inten-
sified, Jimmy just talked. The bigger boy pressed up against
him, and Jimmy casually pushed back. When the aggressor
approached again, Jimmy off-balanced him. Afterward, the bully
left his “victim” alone. No one got hurt. No one but the two of
them even knew there had been a fight.
What really happened? Jimmy stepped back into a fight-
ing stance. He used his arms to block the bully’s advance.
Then he used a simple pressure-point push to make the
other kid back up. Next, a step-and-drop technique was
used to off-balance the bully, who managed to regain his
footing. Then he wisely chose to leave Jimmy alone.
It could have escalated into a serious
fight. Bullies like to test their intended
victims. In this scenario, the aggressor
tested Jimmy, but Jimmy stood up to
him with calm confidence. The bully
ratcheted things up, but Jimmy did not
match the escalation, nor did he back
down. He protected himself without
contributing to the fight.
John Maxwell, a renowned leadership
expert, once said, “When there is a prob-
lem, the leader shows up with two buck-
ets: one with water, one with gasoline.
Decide which one you’ll throw on the
fire.” In this scenario, Jimmy threw water
on the problem. He extinguished the
situation, never fueling it into a fistfight.
Stair-Step Escalation
A fight that isn’t initiated with a violent
act develops one step at a time. Some-
one makes a snide comment to you,
maybe in the guise of a joke. You reply,
perhaps sarcastically, and the other
person is offended. The person gets
nastier, and his anger rises. You stand
up, and in a moment, you’re in each
other’s face. Words are exchanged, and
then one party bumps against the other
person’s chest or shoves him — and the
fight is on!
Even if you “get off the stairs” and
stop taking steps toward the physical
altercation, the other person might take an extra step or
two to suck you in. Most people will take a maximum of
two steps beyond what you take — unless they are really
intent on fighting. What does that mean? If you don’t play
the game, you can stop most fights before they begin.
(If the aggressor keeps escalating even though you’re
not joining in, you should take note. The fact that he’s
intentionally moving toward violence means you’re
almost certainly justified in protecting yourself now.)
Stop Taking Steps
When you need to reduce tension, your first action is to
simply stop taking steps toward escalation. Maybe the
other person insulted you, and you retaliated with a com-
ment of your own. When your words and his lead to escala-
tion, you don’t want to look weak, so you stand up to him.
By then, you should realize that you’re a player in this
game. Press your mental and emotional pause button.
Just stop. Examine what you’re doing. Ask yourself a
simple question: Is this really worth it? Maybe it is. Prob-
ably not, though.
Just pressing pause can be enough to halt the escala-
tion. Sometimes all you need to do is stand there
and listen.Tim was the manager at an auto-repair shop. One of his cus-
tomers had a car with chronic problems. Having already put
hundreds of dollars into repairs, the cus-
tomer was understandably upset when yet
another thing went wrong. He blamed the
repair shop, and he showed up to express
his anger.
Tim just listened. The customer yelled
and screamed. He balled his fist and
threatened to pound Tim into the ground.
He got in Tim’s face and cussed him out.
Through it all, Tim remained relaxed. After
a few minutes, the customer ran out of
steam and stormed off. He got in his car
and left.Often, that’s all it takes. Just don’t play.
Let the other person vent. If you give
him nothing new to work with, chances
are the tension will fade and the mat-
ter will be over. This isn’t always done
right. The following sequence unfolded
in a church.A church and a day-care facility had a
dispute. Ultimately, the church evicted the
day-care personnel. The parents demanded
a meeting, but the church would not speak
with anyone. Some of the parents assem-
bled in the church on a Sunday to be heard.
The situation was already tense when
one father stepped onto the platform to
speak. He intended to tell the congregation
what the church had done to them. The
church leaders tried to stop him. Although
it was charged, it was just words. Then one
member of the church, a large man, stepped forward, got in
the father’s face and bumped him. The moment they touched
chests, the argument turned into a physical fight.
The two men toppled off the platform, crashed into the
chairs and landed on the ground, where they wrestled. Fortu-
nately, they landed at the feet of a martial artist who knew how
to separate the combatants and talk them down before the
situation worsened.This is how many fights begin. It starts with words, then
turns physical. Things get out of hand when egos are
on the line, and people can quickly get hurt. For this
reason, it’s important to be prepared for such situations.
Here’s how.LET THE OTHER
PERSON VENT.
IF YOU GIVE HIM
NOTHING NEW
TO WORK WITH,
CHANCES ARE
THE TENSION
WILL FADE AND
THE MATTER WILL
BE OVER.
OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2019 BLACKBELTMAG.COM 63