CIA VS. KGB 129music on the car’s cassette player and translated the lyrics for me into
Spanish. His favorite was a 1983 pop song called “Trava u doma” (“Grass
by the Home”), about cosmonauts in space who are longing for the green
grass of home. Boris also told me one of his favorite jokes, a version of
which is translated here from Russian to Spanish to English:
Many years ago, the Soviet foreign minister flew to New Delhi for meet-
ings with his friend and counterpart, the Indian foreign minister. On their
limo drive into Delhi from the airport, the Soviet noticed an Indian man
squatting on the side of the road, defecating. The Soviet huffed, “You
never see that kind of thing in Soviet Union.” The Indian foreign min-
ister was embarrassed but remained silent.
A few months later, the Indian foreign minister flew to Moscow for a
reciprocal meeting with his old friend. On their limo drive into Moscow,
the Indian foreign minister saw a man defecating on the side of the road.
“You see,” he said, “the same thing happens here in the Soviet Union!
Your society is not so superior!”
The Soviet foreign minister was embarrassed and very angry inside.
After their arrival in Moscow, he called the director of the KGB and
explained what had happened, demanding that the KGB find and arrest
whoever it was they’d seen on the side of the road. It was nothing short of
an unforgivable national embarrassment to the Soviet Union.
Less than one hour later, the head of the KGB called the Soviet
foreign minister.
“Comrade Foreign Minister, I have good news, and I have bad news.”
“What is good news, Comrade KGB Director?”
“We found man making srat on side of road.”
“Bravo, Comrade KGB Director! Please to put him in gulag for life,
or to execute him. What is bad news?”
“Man making srat was Indian ambassador.”Despite our jokes and friendly banter, I never lost sight of the fact that
there was no moral equivalency between the CIA and KGB, or between
the United States and Soviet Union. Quite the contrary. The KGB was
an instrument of control and tyranny, whose raison d’être was to ensure
the survival and expansion of one of the most repressive regimes in global
history. The Soviets also possessed a nuclear arsenal that threatened (and
continues to threaten) the very existence of the United States. It was pre-