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TEXTANNEKE BOTSILLUSTRATIONPENELOPE DULLAGHANignored or that we’re not important
enough. This is how it can take on
an entire life of its own.”WHATSAPP TRAINING
And then there are those group texts that
go off the rails. When the WhatsApp
group for my son’s class recently
exploded in an effort to find solutions
to the head lice problem, ranging from
photos of hair clippers to people wearing
those nets for packing oranges around
their hair, and then emojis started flying
back and forth, a couple of the parents
quickly left the group in irritation. These
people were then simply re-added to the
group by the group moderator because,after all, they have to be kept up-to-date
on the class outings and the contribution
for the teacher’s birthday gift. Given all
the groups we are constantly being
added to, our degree of irritation can rise
fairly high. And ‘quietly sneaking away’
isn’t an option, because the other
members can immediately see when you
leave the group. Dutch author Mayke
Calis, who has written extensively about
unhealthy social media use, has noticed
that there is more self-regulation. “A
nonsense story gets called out faster,”
she says. She also advocates WhatsApp
training for children and young people,
with a major role set aside for parents
and schools. “Many parents get cold feetwhen it comes to getting involved in
teaching their children about using their
phones,” Calis says, “but, up to a certain
age, they can check their child’s behavior
and talk about what they see. They learn
more by talking about it. As an example,
suppose someone says something mean
about someone else in a WhatsApp
group chat. You could ask your child,
‘How would you feel if someone posted
something like that about you?’ Allowing
children to make the rules themselves,
under supervision, also often works
well. Children really need rules, and
sometimes they honestly don’t know
what they’re doing wrong on WhatsApp.”STRANGE TIMES
For now, those quitting WhatsApp will
mostly just get pitying looks. Van der
Vorst finds he often has to explain why
he got rid of it, but he has also noticed
that it’s a much-discussed topic; people
realize that they are extremely focused
on their phones. And Calis believes that,
eventually, we will decide to cut back
ourselves. “We live in a time in which
we’re so busy navel-gazing and are
hyperfocused on ourselves and our
phones,” she says. “We are constantly
‘on’. I think that we will feel more and
more of a need for peace and quiet. We
want to look around more, live in the here
and now. After all, offline is the new
luxury. It’s a breath of fresh air to not have
to look at a screen for a while.” Van der
Vorst mostly hopes that we will look back
at our use of phones the way we now
view smoking. “Hopefully, later on we will
realize what a crazy time it was,” he says.
“when it was normal for everyone to keep
staring at that tiny screen.”GOING ON A WHATSAPP DIET
There are several ways you can reduce your WhatsAppintake:
Turn off or mute your notifications—or at least those
of group chats. The little blue check marks can also be
turned off. Go to Settings in the app, then Account, then
Privacy, and turn Read Receipts to Off.
Choose a set time each day to read group chat messages
(and respond to them, or not). Don’t be afraid to hold
a mirror up to yourself, however confrontational it may
be, and use an app, such as Moment (free), that keeps
track of how much time you are spending on your phone.
Leave your phone on the other side of the room so that
you can’t just reach for it without thinking.
Turn your bedroom into a Wi-Fi-free zone and leave your
phone in the hallway or the living room at night.
IPhones offer the option of a grayscale screen, which
makes it less tempting to keep scrolling on your phone.
In Settings, go to General, Accessibility, Display
Accommodations, Color Filters, and select Grayscale.