46 _
INTERVIEWCLEMENTINEVANWIJNGAARDENPHOTOGRAPHYBONNITAPOSTMA,JUSTJUSTA(PRIVATECOLLECTIONBNAKUBUSPICTURE),CORDEKOCK(PRIVATECOLLECTIONQUEENBEATRIXPICTURE)STYLINGANNE-MARIE REMMAKEUPCARMEN ZOMERS AGENCYILLUSTRATIONSSHUTTERSTOCKFUTURE
‘THESE ARE INTERESTING TIMES IN WHICH WE LIVE.
I FEEL URGENTLY THAT THINGS HAVE TO CHANGE,
THAT WE CAN’T GO ON THIS WAY’When I was left on my own 27 years
ago, people said, ‘Statistically
speaking, you’ll have a new partner
within three years’. I remember
thinking, ‘Then let me just sleep
through the next three years’. The
statistics turned out to be spot on.
I met my current husband within
that time period, when the twins
were two years old. He had three
children, too, slightly older than
mine. In the beginning, we
sometimes talked about having
another child. I was 38 when we
met, so it was a possibility. But we
both also felt that we should count
our blessings as it was: six healthy
children. It was good.
Our children are all grown up
now; my husband’s already a
grandfather. My children aren’t
talking about having children yet,
but I like the idea; I’ve told them
that I’d be happy to babysit one
day a week. I’ve seen how nice it
is when children have a chance to
be close with their grandparents.
You can pass on so much:
knowledge, but also norms and
values. Now and then I’m
plagued by doubts: Did I do
a good job, have I given my
children what they need? Of
course they didn’t grow up in a
traditional family and sometimes I
feel troubled by that, kind of guilty.
If anything goes wrong, I’ll think,
‘Is that why?’ But I also think it’s
just life.My mother suffers from dementia
now and is living in a nursing home
in Haarlem, the Netherlands. She
didn’t live in that city before, but we
chose it because two of my
brothers live there and a third
brother works there. I think it’s really
special that my brothers are taking
on more of the care load than me
and my sisters, but as my eldest
brother once said, ‘We lived in a
matriarchy; there was no difference
between how the sons and
daughters were raised in our home’.
Well that shows here, too. I try to
visit my mother every month. I’m
glad to see that, while she may be
becoming childish because of the
dementia now, she’s still happy.
The five of us taking care of
my mother together creates a
bond and gives a purpose to
who we are with and for each
other. We have always been close,
but now more than ever. I always
listen with astonishment to people
who say that they have broken ties
with a brother or that a mother is on
good terms with one child but not in
touch with the other. We can’t even
imagine anything like that, even
though we’re all very different. I also
try to teach my children to help each
other. And it’s not that you should
never argue: When I was young, my
brothers, sisters and I also fought
a lot with each other. But always
being there for each other in the
end is something to treasure.These are interesting times in
which we live. I feel urgently that
things have to change, that we can’t
go on this way. The strange thing
is that the US fascinates me,
but it is a country that is still
very old-fashioned, especially
in the construction industry.
I find it a challenge to invite people
there to see things differently.
I was recently awarded the BNA
Kubus, an award given out by the
Royal Institute of Dutch Architects.
The thing is: you’re never an
architect on your own. One person
is in charge, but every design, every
building, is a work of communal art.
I contribute to all of our projects,
although I may be more involved
with some assignments than others.
The library in New York is getting
a lot of my attention right now. That
also has to do with my love for
the US.
In my thank-you speech, I
dedicated the BNA Kubus to my
mother. From her, I learned to be
independent and self-reliant, gifts
she gave me quite naturally with
which to approach the world. I am
grateful to her for that.