Lecture 7: The Mechanics of Writing Dialogue
“Perfectly.”“I’ll look over your budget, and we’ll have a talk about it,
soon,” said Eileen.z ,Q D PRUH ÀHVKHGRXW YHUVLRQ RI WKH VDPH SDVVDJH WKH GLDORJXHLV
integrated with the setting, the physical presence of the two characters,
and Kevin’s thoughts as Eileen dresses him down. Again, the exchange
begins as follows:“I’ve seen you at the gym,” she said, still standing.“Yes.” Kevin brightened—she remembers me!z With just a bit more description of the action and a glimpse into Kevin’s
thoughts, even these two lines give us subtle cues that the conversation
won’t end well: The fact that Eileen remains standing should be a
warning sign for Kevin, but he misreads her mood and “brightens,”
thinking that she remembers him from the gym. He obviously didn’t
expect her to remember him but thinks the fact that they both use the
gym might serve as common ground between them.z As the second version progresses, we learn, through some simple details,
that Eileen can be cold, at least with a subordinate: She speaks with “icy
politesse,” and she looks at Kevin with “glacially blue eyes.” We also
infer that she has little respect for Kevin from the fact that she continues
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him. Indeed, her gestures act as a counterpoint to the dialogue, showing
her physically judging something as she verbally judges Kevin.z We learn more about Kevin in the second version. Because the novel
is told from his point of view, we have access to Kevin’s thoughts, and
as the dialogue progresses, we don’t have to infer his growing anxiety
about his meeting with his new boss, but we can see it happening in
real time. The dialogue and Kevin’s internal monologue reinforce
each other.