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People talk about having guilt when they’re
away from their kids, but I suffer from dreadful
dog guilt. I have two Bichon Frise crosses, and
I love them so much! I work from home so I’m with them
a lot, but whenever I have to go out and leave them, I feel
really guilty and I worry about anything happening to
them. I would never leave them for more than a few
hours but I’m starting to feel bad even if I’m just popping
out. The other weekend I was having a really nice time at
a friend’s lunch – it was in a restaurant so I couldn’t take
them – but I left early because I was worried about them
and, of course, when I got home they were fine.
I know I’m being ridiculous and that I'm attaching my
anxiety to them, but I still can’t help feeling like this.
Feeling guilty, MargateA
You aren’t being ridiculous. You love your
dogs and they are very lucky to have such
a loving and attentive owner as yourself
(lots of dogs don’t). As a dog person, I totally get it.
Dogs are our friends, our saviours, our children and
our companions. When we are away from them, we
do worry about them. Especially because we can’t
explain to them that we won’t be long, or that there
are things we must do, like running errands,
seeing friends and going to the supermarket to buy
their food. They just give us those big beseeching
eyes whenever we walk out the door (dogs are
highly skilled at pulling on the heartstrings).
Dog guilt is totally a thing: we worry about the
things we love the most.
You say that your anxiety is attached to your
dogs, which is a really good observation. Are you
sure it’s them that you are anxious about? Anxiety
can be a mysterious beast (if you’ll excuse the pun).
Sometimes we can direct all our fears onto the most
obvious things in our lives, when the real object of
our anxiety can lie deeper or elsewhere. It might
be helpful to write down all the reasons why you
feel anxious about your dogs and see if there is
a reoccurring theme. Are your anxieties specifically“I suffer from dreadful dog guilt –
and it’s making me miss out”
We all love our pets, so of course leaving them makes us feel guilty,
but there’s nothing wrong with enjoying yourself without themrelated to the dogs, or it is a general anxiety about
everything? If it’s the latter you could try cognitive
behaviour therapy, which can be excellent for
challenging negative thoughts.
At a very basic level it would be good to look at
the facts: your fur babies are safe and they have
each other to hang out with when you’re not there
(which again, lots don’t). Has anything horrible
happened to them when you’ve gone out before?
What could logistically go wrong? Do they have
water and fresh air, enough room to stretch their
legs and a comfortable place to rest? It can really
help to calm our racing brains if we know the worst
that can happen is them chewing the corner of one
of your magazines or stretching out somewhere
that they’re not supposed to.
There was another thing that struck me. Could
this be more about you feeling guilty for making
time for yourself? You are devoted to your dogs,
but it doesn’t mean that your every waking moment
has to revolve around them. Everyone needs time
out, no matter how much they love the other beings
in their lives. As humans we tend to put our own
emotions onto our pets, but they are a lot more
resilient and low-maintenance than we realise.
Company is company to animals: whether it’s two-
legged or four. Know that it’s completely normal to
have dog guilt but equally, that it’s fine to have time
to yourself. And the upside of having dogs is that
you can always use them as an excuse to get out
of the things you really don’t want to do!DEAR AUNT JOSEPHINE
Josephine Carnegie holds a
certificate in holistic counselling
but is best known for giving good
advice (@dearauntjosephine).
Ask Aunt Josephine a question by
emailing [email protected]
Unfortunately, Aunt Josephine can’t
enter into personal correspondence.