creativity
54 CalmMoment.com
L
ast issue, I wrote about Confidence as Self
Belief ’s sassy younger sister. The more
I thought about this relationship, the more
I understood the very subtle differences between
them. Though they’re family, they’re distinct
characters. It makes sense: where Self Belief goes,
Confidence follows. Like a little sister would.
This analogy kept me thinking. How else is
Confidence different to Self Belief? Well, she is
happy to wing it more than her older sis wants to.
She’s certainly more of a risk-taker. In fact, her
actions can sometimes seem to border on
arrogance; she has that blind faith and bravado
typically associated with youth and inexperience.
She can be superficial. You don’t always know
where you are with her, or if she’s telling you the
whole truth. But she’s fun!
Maybe I’m being too harsh in my invention of this
character. But we’ve all got outwardly confident
people in our lives – how often does it turn out that
they’re not as sure of themselves as they seem? In
my experience, the loudest people are also often the
most insecure. Of course, you can be truly confident
and secure, too, but that comes with a deeper level
of self-awareness: a partnership with Self Belief.
When they work together, Confidence and Self
Belief are a friendly, formidable force.
Thinking of times when I’ve had very little
confidence leads me to all those big challenges in
life. You take things on because you know, deep
down, that you can do it. The classic examples are
promotions or career changes. Becoming a mum is
another! You know that given time, confidence will
come. But there are a few instances I can think of
when I never really made friends with Confidence- and they’ve been when situations didn’t settle.
When she’s kept on her toes, parading in her big
sister’s heels, Confidence gets uncomfortable.
I’m going to really open up here and share
a particular time I’m thinking about – editing Oh
Comely. When I accepted the position on one of my
favourite magazines, one that had intimidated me
a little in the past – it was so cool – I was terrified
Confidence can get uncomfortable
There’s no shame in admitting when something doesn’t fit
- confidence comes more easily when you feel settled
Words: Lara Watson / Illustration: Lorna Jameson
about doing it justice, but deep down, I believed
I could do it. I remember being a bag of nerves in
my first editorial meeting. The team had been
through a lot, thinking the mag was going to be
closed and then going through the transition of
being bought by a different publishing company.
Part of my remit was to redesign the magazine
while retaining its character; essentially, I needed
to commercialise it but also keep its indie edge.
It proved to be an almost impossible task. I tried
to make the kind of magazine I would love to read
myself but the affiliations with brands, copy sales
and subscription figures just weren’t there. It’s a
tricky balance. So much changed each issue that it
became a battle; any authority I gained, drained.
I loved the six issues we all made together and
they sit proudly on my studio bookshelf. Having
something physical to treasure is wonderful. Many
of the original team became dear friends. But, after
a year, with everybody wanting to take it in a
different direction and Confidence absent, I left. It’s
a lesson in itself – realising when something isn’t
right for you, and noticing how that impacts your
ability to perform creatively. Strangely, in turn, that
gives you confidence! You have to try it to know for
sure, and there’s no shame in admitting when
something doesn’t fit.
The universe made itself known that same week,
when I got a call out of the blue from an old senior
editor of mine. She was looking for an editor for In
The Moment’s sister magazine Project Calm. Would
I like to interview for it? I could do the job at home
in my slippers. I immediately said yes. Confidently.
And I’ve felt grounded ever since.Lara Watson is a freelance editor
and writer based in Devon. She
edits Project Calm magazine and
commissions features for Annie
Sloan's magazine, The Colourist.
Lara is also an avid crocheter and is
currently enjoying life as a new mum
to a chirpy little boy named Wren.