the Big Bite26 October 2019_Esquire
ly held preconceived
notions. The next-gen-
eration Corvette Sting-
ray, aka the C8, is that car.over the past three years.
Despite its cult status,
Corvette isn’t immune,steady decline in buyers
since 2014.
Something had to be
done. That meant—
gasp!—going mid-en-
gine. The official justi-
fication: It would make
the car quicker and more
well balanced. That movesmall but vocal contin-
gent was personally of-
fended by this change.
Mid-engine was not Corvette. Mid-engine cars were for
overcompensating surgeons, Tom Selleck wannabes,
and hedge funders in a perpetual state of midlife cri-
sis. Even after the car was officially revealed in a former
blimp hangar, complete with astronauts Mae Jemison
and Scott Kelly and timed to coincide with the Apollo
11 anniversary for maximum ’Murica, there were still
people who thought it was absurd.
Their loss, because, damn, this is the stuff of bed-
room posters. The ready-to-pounce stance. The no-
see door handles cleverly tucked under the haunch of
an air intake. The glass-backed rear hood that reveals
the naturally aspirated V-8, gleaming like the menacing
vertebrae of a Decepticon. (Your move, Michael Bay.)
But are fresh design, power, and relative affordabil-
ity enough to pull new recruits from other brands and
attract younger blood? Is it possible to be a Corvette
owner without being a Corvette guy? I can imagine this
encounter: “Nice C8, man,” says an admirer. “Thanks,”
says new C8 owner. “Just so you know, I’m not a Cor-
vette Guy. I only drive this because it’s the best way to
go zero to 60 in under 3 seconds that doesn’t cost over
$150,000. It’s only $59,995. And look at it!” I want to
believe this is a coversation that can happen. Can we
make auotmotive tribes optional? Can you buy a Cor-
vette and not listen to Jimmy Buffet? As a wise man
once said: “These changes in latitudes, changes in at-
titudes, nothing remains quite the same.”Middle Path
The mid-engine Vette
prototypes that
made the C8 possible.ALTERNATE HISTORY
With a sub-three-second zero-to-60 time and Ferrari-like looks, would
Magnum P.I. be cruising around in one on Oahu if now were then? It could happen.Mid-engine cars
were for overcompen-
sating surgeons,
Tom Selleck wannabes,
and hedge funders
in a perpetual state of
midlife crisis.The C8’s aluminum core
began here.CERV II (1964)
Used the first-ever
mid-engine four-wheel-
drive system.CERV III (1990)
The C8’s closest
concept cousin.haust note. I’m a little sad about these developments,
because the universal urge for fast freedom and in-
stant independence that bubbles up when we’re teen-
agers, and again manifests itself in midlife—is that all
there is?—is most viscerally fulfilled by a low slung,
high-revving automobile. This form of therapy seems
to be falling out of favor thanks to overly sensible autos
and our mobility-app overlords. But if you have a gen-
uine lust for life, try putting down the phone and head-
ing to the nearest on-ramp with something loud, quick,
and powerful. It’s much more thrilling than taking an
Uber XL to In-N-Out.
Choosing to be a sports-car guy is easier than choos-
ing which arrow to add to your quiver. Because no mat-
ter how much we pore over quarter-mile times or the
differences between merino leathers, the genuine de-
ciding factor in purchasing a Very Fast Car boils down
to: Which automotive tribe do I want to belong to?
There’s no wrong answer here. Just realize that ev-
ery tribe has its own unique associated stereotypes
that may or may not be true. There’s the Ferrari per-
son with his Magnum, P. I. mustache (yes!) who is go-
ing through his fourth divorce (no!). There’s the guy
(read: cryptocurrency nerds, Kanye West) who be-
lieves no vehicle shall come before the Lamborgh-
ini. The average Porsche owner is cutting you off in
heavy traffic while flipping the bird. Thanks to barely-a-
billionaire Russ Hanneman of HBO’s Silicon Valley, we
have an idea of who plunks down for a McLaren. And
yes, there’s the all-American Corvette owner with the
salt-and-pepper goatee and Tommy Bahama shirt who
always seems to be blasting Jimmy Buffett.
But every once in a while, a new model can be so out-
side the box that it completely blows apart our dear-