Reader\'s Digest Canada - 10.2019

stupefaction lifted as gradually as a fog

over our beloved cottage on Ontario’s

Lake Simcoe after sunrise.

Part of our way out of this thick fog

of grief and pain came thanks to a

famous talk-show host who was tak-

ing his leave of the public eye. Late-

night star David Letterman was wrap-

ping up his storied television career at

the same time our world was falling

apart. But we had the presence of

mind to set the PVR long-distance,

and his final shows were waiting for

us when we were ready to immerse

ourselves in something other than our

overwhelming misery.

In the depths of our pain—and

despite it, really—Rob and I found our-

selves enjoying those shows. While we

were far from a time in our lives when

laughter would make us feel as good

as it once had, we were ready for the

diversion. In fact, later, Rob and I

admitted to each other that we’d each

felt quite self-conscious about laugh-

ing. And yet, how could we not?

There is no set timetable or spread-

sheet for how—or how long—one is

to grieve. There are schools of thought

that say six months, and others that

say four years, as though anything as

pernicious as the pain of a broken heart

can possibly be measured or timed.

When recovering from the same sur-

gery, people do so at different paces—

and there can be complications. Grief

is no different. As time goes on and

your own healing begins and contin-

ues, the immense pain of loss dissi-

pates among those who knew your

loved one. As much as it hurts to wit-

ness this, I suppose it truly is the way

life is meant to go: the suffering

shouldn’t be endless, and everyone

must have the opportunity to embrace

hope and joy once more.

But as the one who experienced the

greatest deprivation, you’ll probably

find it increasingly hard to find any-

one who will listen to you or who will

be generous enough of spirit to bring

up the name of the person whose

absence has made your life so diffi-

cult. For some, this is because they

don’t want to upset you when it

appears you’re doing so well. For oth-

ers, it could be a matter of wanting to

move forward and thinking that by

not bringing up the deceased, they’re

helping you to heal.

THE FIRST HOLIDAY SEASON WE SPENT

WITHOUT OUR DAUGHTER, WE LITERALLY

RAN AWAY FROM HOME.

reader’s digest

98 october 2019