Reader\'s Digest Canada - 10.2019

of course)—that we raised an amazing

human being and that we have to go

forward in a way that honours her

spirit and her memory.

Part of the way we are doing that is

by helping those who are, if not

bereaved themselves, then close to

someone who has lost a loved one. We

do it by sharing with them our favour-

ite books on loss or information found

in brochures from our local hospice.

We do so by constantly reminding any-

one who will listen that someone who

is suffering needs to talk and repeat

their story. It helps us to process our

thoughts and feelings. You need to

accept that you cannot take away our

pain and that trying to cheer up some-

one who is suffering in the aftermath

of losing a loved one is like trying to

will a wound to heal simply by saying

that it must. There is no getting over it,

just getting through it. Grief takes time.

For some, sadly, it will take forever. Just

remember that.

As much as I tried for decades to

reflect the feelings and experiences

of our listeners, an effortless kind of

empathy that had always served me

well in my radio career, I came to realize

that I can’t be responsible for the

thoughts or the healing processes of

others who’ve been dealt a blow like

we were; I can only do the best I can.

I returned to work a month after

Lauren’s death; my place behind the

microphone wrapped me in normalcy.

The fact that I had something into

which I could immerse myself gave me

the illusion that I was living the life we

had before the needle was pulled off of

our sweet, sweet record. Every day, I

had to put on my face (both with cos-

metics and a smile), “be on my best”

and put on a show. It’s not unlike the

belief that if you curl your mouth

upward, even when you don’t feel like

smiling, you’ll fool yourself into think-

ing you’re happy. We would do that

occasionally in our yoga or meditation

classes: eyes closed, smiling while we

inhale. Somehow the brain translates

that physical act of smiling into some

form of happiness. It doesn’t always

work, but it’s effective often enough to

keep me trying.

STRENGTH COMES IN so many differ-

ent incarnations. Much of the time, we

come by it because there’s simply no

AS PARENTS AND SURVIVORS, ALL WE

CAN DO IS JUST KEEP GOING, TRYING TO

FIND ANY BIT OF JOY IN EACH DAY.

reader’s digest

100 october 2019