SLOANREVIEW.MIT.EDU FALL 2019 MIT SLOAN MANAGEMENT REVIEW 87
forinstance,theirstrugglesforpowerand
control,therolestheyexpecteachotherto
playintheirsharedlives,andsocietalex -
pectationsofgenderthatexerta powerful
influenceonthem.Theproblemwith
ignoringtheseforcesis that,asonemanI
interviewedthoughtfullydescribed,“The
appsbecamea symptomoftheproblem.”
Let’sexplorehowthishappens.
Toadoptanapp,couplesneedtoenter
alloftheirhouseholdchoresintoa list,
typicallynotingdeadlinesandrecurrences.
Thiscompilationmakesa couple’shistoric
inequalityofcontributionstohousehold
workfullytransparent.Toaidtherebal-
ancingofeffort,a standardfeatureofall
theappsI lookedatis theabilityforpart-
nerstoassigneachothertasks.
Incoupleswhotreatedtechnologyasthe
solutionandoverlookedtheunderlying
causesoftheirinequality,thisfeaturewas
usedina waythatmadethingsworse.The
partnerwhodidthelion’sshareofhouse-
holdtasks(usually,althoughnotalways,the
woman)wastheonewhoassignedtasksto
theother.Rationallythismadesense.The
“assigning”partnerhada morecomplete
viewofwhatneededtogetdoneandcould
engagetheotherpartnerintasksthrough
thefeature.However,havingoneassigner
rarelyworkedwell.“Therewasnoconversa-
tion,”explainedonemanwithwhomI
spoke.“Iwouldjustgetnotificationsfrom
theappthatI hada tasktoperformanda
deadlineforit.I massivelyresentedthat.
Theappturnedmywifeintomymanager.”
Therolespeopletookon—nagging
manager,resentfulspouse—increased
tensionsbetweencouplesandoftenled
themtoabandonthetechnologyandre -
verttotheirpreviousstateofimbalance.
Asonewomanexplained,“Ourfamilybe-
camea projectmanagementexercise,nota
family,andI wastheprojectmanager.On
theonehand,I feltvindicatedthatI was
doingwaymorehouseholdworkthan
him,butinsteadofit makinghimstepup,
it madeusmoreembattled.Wasit worth
it?No.Aftersixweekswegaveup.”
I foundthatcouplesforwhomhouse-
holdmanagementtechnologymadea
significantpositivedifferenceapproached
itsadoptionfroma verydifferentangle.
Insteadoftreatingit asa solutioninandof
itself,theytreatedit asa waytoenactand
tracka solutionthattheyfoundthrough
frankconversationsabouttheirdesiredrolesintheirrelationshipandtheirexpectations
ofeachother.Throughthesediscussions,
theydecidedhowtheyshoulddivideand
managehouseholdtasks.Theconversations
werenotalwayseasy,buttheyformedthe
basisofa dealthathelpedpartnersover-
cometheirinequalityandoverloadissues.
One coupleI interviewed,having
reachedtheircrunchpointjustbefore
Christmas,spenta wholedayexploringwhy
theirinputintohouseholdworkhadbe-
comesoimbalancedandnegotiatinga
divisionoflabortoremedyit. Oncetheyhad
thisfirmlyagreed,theyadoptedanappto
makeit happen.Asthehusbandexplained,
“It’stheclaritythatgotridofthefriction,
nottheapp.Theappis simplya waytotrack
theclarity.Nowwehavea resetmeeting
everythreemonthstorevisitourdealand
makesureit’sstillworkingforbothofus.”
Surprisingly,thecoupleswhofound
theirsolutionsthroughprobingconversa-
tionsweretheheaviestusersoftheapps.
Theyusedappsforanythingfromtracking
choresandcompilingshoppingliststo
makingappointments,managingcalen-
dars,andplanningholidaysandother
events.Asonewomanremarked,“Theapphasbecomeourexternalbrain.”Thesecou-
plesreportedfindingtheappsincredibly
helpfulforreducingoverload,balancing
outtasks,andkeepingthemandtheirfami-
liesontrack.Theyalsoreportedthatthe
appschangedthewaytheyusedtheirtime
whentheyweretogetherandtheconversa-
tionstheyhad.
“I’dratherspendthetwohourswehave
eacheveningdiscussinghowwefeeland
howourdaywentratherthan[discussing]logistics,” one woman said. “The app made
those boring administrative conversations
redundant. Our time has become quality
time, not practical time.” Many couples
who adopted technology as a way of enact-
ing a solution made similar comments.
The technology worked excellently as a
tracker, they said, and as a bonus it became
a tool to maximize their quality time.
Taken together, my research shows
that couples can hack inequality — not
through technology, but through conver-
sations that unearth the forces that drive
imbalance in their relationship. Once they
have explored these forces and negotiated
solutions to them, they can use household
management applications to make a posi-
tive difference in their lives.Jennifer Louise Petriglieri is an associate
professor of organizational behavior at
INSEAD (@insead) and the author of the
forthcoming book Couples That Work: How
Dual-Career Couples Can Thrive in Love
and Work (Harvard Business Review Press,
2019). Comment on this article at http://
sloanreview.mit.edu/x/61106.
Reprint 61106. For ordering information, see page 4.
Copyright © Massachusetts Institute of Technology,- All rights reserved.
Hacking Inequality at Home
(Continued from page 88)
COLUMN
“ I would just get notifications from the app
that I had a task to perform and a deadline
for it. I massively resented that. The app
turned my wife into my manager.”