160 newyork| december9–22, 2019
THE APPROVAL MATRIX Our deliberately oversimplified guide to who falls where on our taste hierarchies.
PHOTOGRAPHS: HIPSTER_TRADER/TW
TTER (BASEL); KATE GL
CKSBERG (REQU
EM); GERRY GOODSTE
N (FEFU AND HER FR
ENDS); JONAHF
SHERBBC/TW
TTER (G
UL
AN
); FOX (Z
MMERMAN); MATTHEW MURPHY (PATTEN); JOAN MARCUS (XILLAH); ANTHONY QU
NTANO/W
KMED
A (ZUCKERBERG); TOD W
LL
AMS B
LL
E TS
EN
(GEFFEN HALL); C
OURTESY OF ANDREW EDL
N GALLER
Y (JOE COLEMAN); BBC (PR
NCE ANDREW
); JEREMYOHARR
S/TW
TTER (SLA
VE PLAY); CHR
SDONA
TO04/TW
TTER (
YANG); BOBCATNEYSPEARS/TW
TTER (B
DEN); BOBB
Y DOHERTY (I SODI); AMYSLANCH
K/TW
TTER (P
G CUP); H
LAR
Y BRONWYN GAYLE/SHOWT
ME (
THE L
WORD); OL
VA
JADE/YOUTUBE (OL
VA J
ADE); D
SNEY+ (BAB
Y YODA); UPS (CARGO B
KES
); GREG2600/W
KMED
A (D
AV
DSON); HELEN__W
LLS/TW
TTER (MAD MAX
); WDRB NEWS (PAPA JOHN’S); NETFL
X (KLA
US); BROOKE PALMER/ NETFLIX (KNIGHT BEFORE CHR
STMAS
)
Apple,Amazon,Google,
Netflix,Microsoft,and
Facebookare accusedof
underpayingtheirtaxesby
a combined$100billion
since 2010.Art Basel Miami
Blech.GeorgeZimmerman
suesthefamily
oftheunarmed
teenagerhekilled
(andtheprosecutors)
for$100million.The World Meteorological
Organization sounds the
alarm: Climate change
isgoingfasterthanever.PrinceAndrew’signoble
behaviorforces
thequeentocancelhis
60th-birthdayparty.Theatre for a New
Audience’s sumptuous
staging of María Irene
Fornés’s plotless
Fefu and Her Friends.Waaa!Heather
Christle’s
TheCryingBook.JonathanHadary’sXillah,
a newcharacterinthe
revival ofTonyKushner’s
A BrightRoomCalledDay
atthePublic.Outlawpainter
JoeColemanat
AndrewEdlinGallery.TheL Wordgets
rebooted.Is it actually
thatgoodthistime?
Notreally, butthatwas
neverthepoint.Thorthebulldog,
NationalDogShow
champion.(Atleasthe’s
notnamedWinston!)TheJoeBiden
finger-bitingmeme.
Yumm!Comingsoonto
deliveryour
packagessinceyou
can’tbebotheredto
shopinanactual
store:cargobikes.... Anda baristagetsfired
whenthepolicechief
complains.Whenlocalnews
coversit, thechief’s estranged
daughtertweetsthat“heis
absolutelya pig.”A womanataSlave
Pl ayQ&Aaccuses
theplaywrightof
being“racistagainst
whitepeople.”AnOklahoma
Starbucksprints
“PIG” ona cop’s
take-outorder...Sorry, kids(and, let’s be
honest,lonely grown-
upMandalorians),
officialBaby Yoda
merchwillnot arrive in
timeforChristmas.Kelly Clarkson and
John Legend’s
less rape-y
version of “Baby,
It’s Cold Outside.”After 11 years,
I Sodiis nowserving
weekendlunch
(notbrunch!).Alvin Ailey premieres
Greenwood, a dance about
theTulsa riots of 1921.
Watchmen’s Sister Night is
not involved.Teodor Currentzis and
his cathartic, control-
freak rendition of Verdi’s
Requiem at the Shed.EducationSecretaryBetsy
DeVoscan’tfigure outthe
student-loanmess, soshe
proposescreatinganother
agencytodoit instead.NewarksuesNYC
overa programthatships
thehomelesstocheap
apartmentsthere.Related: Officials
announce parts
of the Florida Keys
can’t be saved.
Already, scientists say,
birds are smaller than they
used to be, probably
because of climate stress.Netflix’s
delightfullyweird
animatedholiday
movieKlaus...
... Andremorselessly
absurdyetsomehowalso
delightfultime-travel-
to-Ohiomovie,The
KnightBeforeChristmas.Trumpadministration
threatenstodeclare
totaltradewar on
French wine.That’ll
showMacron!Will
be
romAndrewYangsquirts
whippedcreaminto
kneelingcampaign
volunteers’mouthsat
theopeningof
his New Hampshire
field office.Rudy Giuliani stars
in a documentary series
on right-wing TV that
“debunks the
impeachment hoax.”If the antics of
thispresidency keep
youup at night,
readA Warning,
which just might put
you to sleep.The irascible
Olive Kitteridge
rides again.Justfourmoreyears
and$550million,and
GeffenHallmayfinally
sound... great.PeteDavidson
makesaudience
membersplanning
toattendhisstand-
upshowssign
$1millionNDAs.Olivia Jade,daughterof
Lori Loughlin,getsbackto
vlogging,eightmonths
afterthecollege-
admissionsscandal.
Why does that woman
in the Peloton ad look like
she’s been taken hostage
and forced to exercise?P
co tens
.”Lauren Patten’s
showstopping “You
Oughta Know” channels
all the teen angst
in Jagged Little Pill.Related: Mad Max–
esque Amazon truck
spotted in Brooklyn.brillianthighbrowlowbrowdespicable