New York Magazine - USA (2019-12-09)

32 newyork| december9–22, 2019

PHOTOGRAPH:

©

COUR

TESY

EVERETT

COLLECTION/EVERETT

COLLECTION

intelligencer

untilaboutfiveyears ago,I gotalongwith basically

everyone.Sometimes,I knew,peopledidn’t care forme, but my

impeccableget-alonginstinctsandcrushingfearofconfronta-

tionpreventedthingsfromcomingtoa headvery often. And if

I didn’t like someone,I’d try toneverlet themknow, because

evenif thesightofthemmademy stomachcurdle,I still wanted

themtolikeme.I’d attempttowearthemdownwith relentless

kindnessuntiloneofusmovedtoanothercityordied. But all

that changed when I met my wife, who taught me the fine art of

having enemies.

Here’s the thing. Under the best circumstances, as a relation-

ship progresses, your life merges gently with your partner’s. Your

friends become each other’s friends. Your families become each

other’s families to whatever extent is desirable or possible. You

grow in your capacity for joy and love, as well as for their corol-

laries, loss and grief.

All this is common knowledge.

A truth less frequently expressed is that along with your

expanding set of group-text chains and work parties and framed

It’s Complicated:

Josh Gondelman

My Wife’s EnemiesAre

Now My Enemies, Too

The pleasures of a

certain kind of in-law.