downs, I’ve come to one
conclusion about happiness:
Most of the time, a truly
happy life includes a healthy
amount of discomfort.
The pursuit of happiness
is considered an inalienable
right. The conundrum,
however, is how hard it can
be to recognize what will
bring us lasting happiness,
and what that happiness
will even look like. With
many of us drowning in
errands, bills, work, emails,
and all the other to-do-list
items that seem to magi-
cally appear each day, it’s
easy to assume happiness
springs from a life free of
challenges and stress. But
often what prevents us
from being happy is that we
would much rather not have
to deal with uncomfortable
experiences, which—let’s
face it—we can’t really
avoid. Life offers up ample
rough patches, from broken
hearts to busted knees.
Discomfort and difficulty
are inevitable. Can we try
to be happy—or at least
OK—with whatever comes
our way?
I like to think that difficul-
ties are like fiber in our diets:
They keep our systems mov-
ing and processing every-
thing we take in. We need to
take on challenges in order
to feel alive, and, ultimately,
to feel fulfilled and happy.
And don’t worry, challenges
will come for us all.
In my psychotherapy
practice, part of the goal
CAN WE TRY TO BE
HAPPY—OR AT LEAST
OK—WITH WHATEVER
COMES OUR WAY?
of therapy, and potentially
the path to happier-ness,
is helping clients turn with
curiosity toward people,
events, or situations that
they experience as diffi-
cult. For some, this might
mean simply washing their
dishes, walking a few feet
out of their front door, or
going to a family dinner. For
others it might mean sitting
silently for a few minutes
without the TV on. Turning
toward whatever we are
avoiding or dreading can be
game-changing. When we
meet and greet our discom-
fort, we gradually learn that
our lives are OK as they are.
Over time, and with prac-
tice, this helps us build re-
silience, allowing us to face
bigger and less predictable
challenges with equanimity
and curiosity.
By seeing life’s chal-
lenges as our daily dose of
roughage, they can become
part of our happiness, as
opposed to being obsta-
cles in the way. There will
always be unpleasant stuff
mixed in with the pleasant.
Embracing that, we can find
confidence, strength, and
happiness born of welcom-
ing our whole lives—bumps,
bruises, and all. ●THE TRICKINESS
OF HAPPINESSListen to Editor-In-Chief
Barry Boyce talk about how
pursuing happiness too
zealously can derail your
mindfulness practice.
mindful.org/tricky-happym
30 mindful August 2019inner wisdom