Shelina was a typical 48-year-old married woman
and mother of two. She had a thriving career as the
lead realtor at her firm, her teenage children were
well adjusted and confident, and she and her hus-
band, Akmal, had a rich circle of friends and social
activities. However, Shelina had a secret she could not
share. The fire that she once felt when gazing at her
partner was now a dull flicker.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Lori A. Brotto, PhD, is a clinical psychologist,
professor in the department of Obstetrics &
Gynecology at the University of British Columbia
(UBC), director of the UBC Sexual Health
Laboratory, and the Canada Research Chair in
PH Women’s Sexual Health.
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During her weekly sex-
ual encounters—planned
for Friday nights between
11:00 and 11:15 pm—she
deliberately avoided the
foreplay she used to enjoy.
No more kissing, touching,
or caressing. She would
zone out while Akmal
touched her—thinking
about plans for the next
day and engaging very little
with her body—prompt-
ing him to move directly to
sexual intercourse, which
she found unrewarding.
And the less gratifying that
sex had become, the more
her sexual motivation had
diminished.
Many women can relate
to Shelina’s dilemma.
Despite the societal obses-
sion with sexuality, sexual
difficulties are immensely
prevalent. Women around
the world and across ageshave difficulty
reaching orgasm;
insufficient lubri-
cation affects not
just postmeno-
pausal or breast-
feeding women
but women of
all ages, regard-
less of their
hormonal status.
Like Shelina,
many women
find that sex is often unre-
warding. And the motiva-
tion for sex is drastically
reduced, or simply not
there, for countless women.What We
Know About
Women and SexSexual difficulties are com-
mon. And low sexual desire,
in particular, is consistently
the most common sex-
related concern that women
report, whether they
are from North or South
America, Europe, Australia,
or Asia.
Women also experience
a great degree of shame
about their sexual con-
cerns, believing that they“should” want sex more,
they “should” enjoy sex like
everyone else they know
does, and they “should”
know what they want sexu-
ally and how to ask for it.
Unfortunately, women
are often oblivious to
the fact that some of the
women they believe are
enjoying frequent and
passionate sex are actu-
ally secretly experienc-
ing a similar set of sexual
problems.Stress:
The Libido KillerIncreasingly, we rely on
technological advances
to accomplish the never-
ending list of tasks on our
to-do list and “multitask.”
Being “able” to eat, respond
to emails, surf the internet,
check Facebook, and help a
child with homework all at
the same time makes many
of us feel proficient, and we
take pride in balancing all
these different activities at
the same time.
Yet research suggests
that the daily grind can be
extremely stressful for →Despite the
societal obsession
with sexuality, the
motivation for sex
is simply not there
for countless
women.August 2019 mindful 63sexuality