2019-10-01 Australian Men\'s Fitness

50 MEN’S FITNESS OCTOBER 2019

Back in

the game

Need to get your relationship back

on track after growing apart? These

smart steps should do the trick.

Swallowyourpride

nAdmittingthere’s

troubleinyour

relationshipcanbe

toughandcanmake

youfeelvulnerable–

butdon’tlookatit as

a personalfailure.It

takesa strongperson

totakethatfirststep,

sogiveyourselfcredit

forrealisingthere

mightbeanissue.

Acceptthatit might

beone-sided...atfirst

nJustbecauseyou’ve

decidedtocommitto

revivingyourspark,

doesn’tmeanyour

partnerwillbeonthe

samepage– atleast

rightaway.Butyour

effortswillstillhave

aneffect,saysReilly.

“Whenonepartner

changeshowthey

operate,themarriage

inevitablychanges.

Beingmorehopeful

andmotivatedmakes

youa committed

spouse,nota doormat.”

Broachtheissues

oneata time

nNomatterwhatyour

regulardisagreements

areabout– simpler

subjectslikehowto

spendyourfreetime,or

hottertopics,likehow

tospendyourmoney–

“approacheachsubject

separately,without

attackorblame,”Reilly

wiselyadvises.“Own

yourpartandwhat

youwanttodo.”

Shouldtempersflare,

keepanevenkeel.“Say

thingslike,‘We’reabout

● Game Changers Relationships

togetintoourmiserable

circularfight.Let’stalk

whenwe’vecooledoff.’”

Duringthetime-out,

takea third-person

perspectiveonyourpart

inthedilemma.“You

mightrealiseyou’re

pickinghereveryword

apartandignoringher

message,”saysReilly.

Reviewandreset

n“Lookathowmany

hoursa weekyougaze

intoyourphoneinstead

ofyourpartner’seyes,”

saysReilly.Whenyou

comehome,spend

uninterruptedtime

toreconnect.“Set

boundariesaboutno

phonesduringdinner,

whilewithyourkids,

orinthebedroom.”

Stopcomparing

n“Everyone’smarriage

lookslikeparadisefrom

theoutside,”Reillysays,

especiallywhenidyllic

picsofhappycouplesare

plasteredoneverybody’s

Facebookpages.

“Butwhattheydon’t

showis that,rightafter

thosepictureswere

taken,theyhada huge

screamingmatchabout

howtofolda T-shirtand

didn’tspeakfortwodays.

Soremember,you’re

nottheonlyonewhose

marriageisn’ta glorious

walkinthepark.”

“EVERYONE’S

MARRIAGE LOOKS

LIKE PARADISE

FROM THE OUTSIDE.”

With 7,000 spoken languages on

Earth, the lamest sentence in all of

them is: “If you love something, let

it go.”That’s especially true when it comes to

reconnecting with a person you love. Decide

to just “let it go” and you can probably kiss

that love affair goodbye. Marriage therapist

Winifred M. Reilly tells us how to pull things

together when they seem to be falling apart.

W