2019-10-01 Cosmopolitan

12345

“OMG! I’m

terrified!”

“Yeah,

checks

out.”

3. How do you rank your feels when you
   see your old self on FaceApp?

12345

Watch

what?

Keith

Morrison

forever!

6. How likely are you to actually watch
   Dateline o n a Fr i d a y n i g h t?

12345

Euphoria’s

Jules

Liz

Lemon

5. Who’s the TV character you
   relate to the most?

12345

Day

drinking

Bleaching

4. Where does your fave weekend activity fall?

12345

Taco Bell

quesadilla Soup

2. What’s your average lunch like?

Never 12345

Literally

right now

1. When was the last time you used a coupon?

Your youth

energy

is off the

charts

IG Stories

curation is on your

résumé, you’d

risk exhaustion

before turning

down an invite

to the club, and

you’ve mastered

the art of being

hungover at work.

We’d warn you

about burnout, but

you’re most likely

a crisp already.

You’re

GNO (even when

Domino’s and

watching New

Amsterdam are way

more on your level).

All. About. Balance.

Your soul

is collect-

ing Social

Security

You may look cute

and 22, but on the

inside, you’re one

11: 3 0 a. m. l u n c h

away from 85. But

you don’t have to

wait until you’re

getting grays to

enjoy staying in to

work on your night

cheese. Live your

best old-lady life.

1 TO^1

4 POINTS

TO^34 POINTS

35 T

O^1 ,^060 POINTS

–5

+ 10

POINTS

if you made it

yourself

POINTS

if you

made it

your pro-

file pic

Do^ you

have

hard candies in

your bag?

D o e s yo ur h e a d s a y

“happy hour” while your heart says

“Dateline”? Right this way.

By ASHLEY OERMAN

For each Q, p i c k a n u m b e r o n t h e

s c a l e (1 t o 5) t h a t f it s yo u r v ib e,

then add up the points (plus any

bonus points you get) for a grand

total that lets us read you.

How

to

t ell if you’re

secretly 80 years old

on the inside

+5

POINTS

if buying

cleaning

supplies brings

you joy

+1,000

POINTS

i f i t ’s a

paper

one

+ 1 0

you

18 Cosmopolitan October 2019

GE

TTY

IM

AG

ES

.