2019-10-01 Cosmopolitan

Your weekend

meltdown,

The emo author has a new Hulu show, so it’s

of ficiall y t h e p e r f e c t tim e t o h a ve a nic e

b o o g e r- y c r y t o all his b e st we e pie s.

B y H A N N A H C H A M B E RS

lanning on

scraping the

bottom of the

streaming barrel

for soul-wrenching

Nicholas Sparks

movies...again?

Girl, enough. Sad

boi John Green

is waaay more

capable of ruining

your mascara.

His stories cover

nearly every

kind of emotional

distress you can

imagine. Enjoy.

FRIDAY NIGHT

The Fault in

Our Stars

Start with a light

appetizer because,

let’s face it, you’ve

already watched this

movie about

two teens who meet

in a cancer support

group 150 times.

You’re probs not

going to cry so hard

you hyperventilate

again. At this point,

this downer is almost

like a warm hug.

SUNDAY MORNING

Duckling

wearing

socks

Okay, this has

nothing to do with

Green. But after so

many doozies, a

video of a bb duck

waddling around

in human footwear

is a much-needed

morale booster.

SATURDAY NIGHT

Turtles All

the Way

Down

Thanks to the tear-

jerking masterminds

behind Love, Simon

and This Is Us, this

Green book is get-

ting the big-screen

treatment. There’s

no release date yet,

but you might as well

cross the novel off

your “to read” list

while you’re inten-

tionally wallowing in

fictional sorrow. It’s

about 16-year-old

Aza, who struggles

with anxiety and

OCD. She and her

bestie, Daisy, are

on the hunt for a bil-

lionaire who goes

MIA after dabbling

in some majorly scan-

dalous fraud. It’s

sprinkled with enough

love, loss, and grief

to keep you choked

up for 320 pages.

SATURDAY AFTERNOON

Paper Towns

This film’s about a

dude named Quentin

who is in love with his

neighbor and child-

hood BFF, Margo

(casually played by

Cara effing Delev-

ingne). It’s not your

typical girl-next-door

movie though. Margo

convinces Q to help

her seek revenge

SUNDAY AFTERNOON

Looking

for Alaska

Definitely save this

for last because (1)

it’s brand spankin’

new and (2) it’s a

bingeable eight-

episode series that

goes from cute to

extremely tragic

almost immediately.

The boarding-school

romance gets extra

points for spurring

melancholic nostal-

gia. It’s set in 2005,

with MapQuest

printouts and Fear

Factor shout-outs.

Also, Kristine Froseth

and Charlie Plummer

play the leads, so go

ahead and ship your

aching heart out.

presented by John Green

SATURDAY MORNING

Anthro-

pocene

Reviewed

Gut-twisting stories

about teens aside,

Green also has a pod-

cast where he reviews

“different facets of

the human-centered

planet on a five-star

scale.” Basically (we

think), he’s Yelping the

whole damn human

experience. The “Indi-

anapolis and Love at

First Sight” episode

will have you blubber-

ing like a baby.

p

LISTEN

GOOGLE

WATCH

START!

WATCH W

ATCH

READ

on her cheating

boyfriend, then goes

missing soon after,

and Q is the only per-

son who can figure

out what happened.

You probably won’t

tear through a box of

tissues, but the ending

*will* give you Drake-

level trust issues.

October 2019 Cosmopolitan 33

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