the finish with our
finding that 37 per-
c e n t o f d u d e s a g e s 18
t o 22 wo n’t g o d ow n
on a woman if they
“don’t know her well
enough,” and it’s no
wonder situationships
aren’t oral-heavy.
Still, the saddest
issue is that many
young women are led
to believe (from ads,
the personal-care
ais l e, o r eve n t h e ir
partners) that their
vulvas are gross or
smelly or should come
with a Do Not Ingest
warning label. Our
own survey found men
citing “it’s nasty,” it
“smells bad or is too
wet,” and “it’s hairy”
as reasons they won’t
go down on someone.
(Seriously, men. DO
BETTER. It’s not like
blow jobs are always
a treat....) These harm-
ful rumors can cause
so much anxiety and
shame that many
young women aren’t
even asking for or
wanting to receive
oral, confirms Queen....AND ITS ALLIES
Important PSA: Not
*ever y* dude is
afraid to put his mouth
where his mind is. In
our survey, men
wrote responses like
“Women are a treat,
they are supposed to
be pleasured” and“Giving oral is as
much for my enjoy-
m e n t a s it is f o r h e rs.”
Excellent points, fel-
las—because as soon
as young guys realize
that getting a woman
off can be even more
exciting than their
own orgasm, every-
one will feel more
satisfied, okay?
Our poll also
found that the more
men understand oral
sex, the more skilled
they eventually
become. Fifty-one
percent of guys 33
and older believe they
can make their part-
ner orgasm during
oral, compared to
only 41 percent of
m e n a g e s 18 t o 22.
TY, maturity.
“As we get older,
pleasure in sex
becomes particularly
significant because
we’re not fucking just
to fuck,” explains
Queen. “And as
intimacy grows, it
becomes easier to
have these conversa-
tions about pleasure
in the first place.”HOW TO WIN
(WITH YOUR
PANTS DOWN)
If you find yourself
with a guy who’s not
yet clued in to the fire-
works his tongue can
ignite between your
legs, there are a cou-
ple of ways to bring it
up. You can try the
educational take: “I
saw on Twitter that
t r y in g t o m a ke a
woman orgasm with-
out direct clitoral stimis t h e s a m e a s t r y in g
to make a man come
without touching
his penis,” suggests
Queen.
You can also get
hands-on if you’re
more of a shower.
“Play with yourself
and make your part-
ner watch,” suggests
Alex B. Porter, author
of The Cunnilinguist.
“Use your fingers to
guide him before he
even sets lips on you.”
Other times, you’ll
sim p l y n e e d t o g e t
real. “It may take say-
ing, ‘I don’t think you
understand what I
need to get aroused
enough to orgasm.
Let’s try something
else,’” suggests
Q u e e n. I f yo u r p a r t -
ner is receptive to this,
great. But if you find
he doesn’t really care,
you may need to
reevaluate your sitch.
“You should decide if
you’re comfortable
moving forward with
someone who sees
your desires as unim-
portant,” explains
Donaghue.
Basically, the Full
House–style ending
to this saga is this:
Regardless of whether
your dude is fresh out
of icing his friends at
his frat house or on his
third grown-ass job,
life’s too short to go
without enjoying oral
sex. You may have to
coach him a bit, but
any man who actively
seeks your pleasure
as much as his own is
one to keep around.MEET
CUNNILINGUS’S
ENEMIES...
There are at least
three big ones. The
first, you can probs
guess: Sex ed in the
U.S. sucks. “Our
culture is sex-phobic,
steeped in female
sexual disempower-
ment, and doesn’t
provide accurate or
honest sex educa-
tion,” explains sex
and intimacy expert
Chris Donaghue, PhD.
Students are lucky if
they’re taught how
to put on a condom;
it’s a pipe dream
t o h o p e t h ey ’d a l s o
learn that oral sex can
feel amazing to the
female anatomy.
Movies, TV, and
porn aren’t helping
either (unless lots of
men start watching
Euphoria, where
they’ll see from high
schoolers Ethan and
Kat that mouth moves
are ev-er-y-thing). “TV
still isn’t about female
pleasure, so sexism
remains baked in,”
says Carol Queen,
PhD, sexologist at
Good Vibrations. On
the rare occasion cun-
nilingus does make it
onscreen, “it isn’t easy
to see what’s happen-
ing,” Queen adds, so
it h a rd l y s e r ve s t o
educate.
Then there’s the
rise of hookup culture,
which tends to be
“rooted in having a
quick orgasm and not
in meeting a partner’s
needs,” Donaghue
says. Pair this race toenlightened
men on why
they love
giving oral
And no, we can’t
give you their
phone numbers.“There’s no better
feeling than making
her eyes roll
to the back of her
head because
you’re hitting all
her right spots.”
—AUSTIN, 25
“I love going down
on women because
it gets them in the
mood for sex.
You go down and
BAM, both parties
are ready.”
—J E R RY, 25“It’s like kissing
another set of lips!
I want her to know
that I’m willing
to kiss, lick, and
suck every inch
of her body.
Hearing her moan
is like hearing a
symphony.
And you get what
you give.”
—ISRAEL, 28
“I take pleasure
in knowing I
can please my
partner. It’s like a
confidence and
ego boost. I know
she doesn’t get
off from sex all
the time, so
adding some
foreplay is the
least I can do.”
—ALEX, 29
“Making a woman
orgasm is just
the biggest turn-on
for me—especially
when you
can taste it.”
—KEITH, 335
lustNA
TH
AN
PE
RK
EL/
GA
LLE
RY
ST
OC
K.
October 2019 Cosmopolitan 87