M14| Friday, September 13, 2019 THE WALL STREET JOURNAL.
maybe UC Santa Barbara. She goes,
“If I pull all my strings, I can get you
into the community college across
the street.”
I thought I was Stephen Hawk-
ing, that I could always turn on the
smarts. But I didn’t have the
grades. I was devastated. After a
year, I got into Arizona State Uni-
versity. The rumor is I majored in
business, but I actually dropped
out in 1985. I was doing stand-up
then and earning a decent living.
My first stand-up experience
was at Chuckles in Phoenix. It
didn’t go well. The manager said,
“I didn’t really like your material
but you can come back. What you
were saying in-between was fun-
nier than your act.”
I moved to L.A. and began work-
ing the comedy clubs. I’m sure I
wasn’t the funniest comedian, but I
was the youngest-looking one.
When I was 20, I looked 15. It set
me apart.
Today, I live in the Trousdale
section of Beverly Hills. I moved in
15 years ago and renovated, so it’s
now entirely modern and very
homey. I can see Century City, but I
probably should say someplace
cooler. I also can see the Pacific.
I’ve never had views like this.
As a kid, I was a busboy and va-
let parker, and worked all the jobs
teens hate. Now when I work on a
TV show or movie, I’m amazed.
My mother says, “I love that you
can do a 16-hour day now and not
complain.” It’s not hard to love my
job. I’m getting paid to say stuff
under my breath.
—As told to Marc MyersDavid Spade, 55, is an actor and
stand-up comedian. A former “Sat-
urday Night Live” cast member, he
has starred in more than 35 films.
He hosts Comedy Central’s “Lights
Out With David Spade.”magazine writer but was able to
write only in her spare time. To put
food on the table, she had to work
two jobs—at a clothing store and at
a temp agency. I spent a lot of time
with neighbors when she wasn’t
home. The experience made me in-
dependent. Despite the struggles,
she’s still the greatest mom and
was always there for us.
Fortunately for me, both of my
brothers were cool. When I got to
high school, I was cool by associa-
tion. I had long blond hair, I was a
skateboarder and I wore OP shorts.My longtime classmates weren’t
buying it. They told kids from
other schools, “You don’t get it.
He’s a geek, he’s a nerd.” But cool-
ness was like wildfire. It spread
and was unstoppable.
I embraced my new life and rep-
utation, eased up on studying all
the time and enjoyed having lots of
friends. I liked gymnastics—espe-
cially the parallel bars. I did it
mostly to get in shape. I also was
in school talent shows.
In my junior year, I told my coun-
selor I wanted to go to Princeton orMANSION
David Spade at the London West Hollywood hotel in Beverly Hills, above,
and with his brothers, Bryan, left, and Andy, right, and mother, Judith, in
Scottsdale, Ariz., with their dog, Princess, around 1970, top.PETER YANG (PORTRAIT); DAVID SPADE (HISTORICAL); UNIVERSAL/EVERETT COLLECTION (MARTIN)HOUSE CALL|DAVID SPADE
Snide Remarks
Made Him
Cool in School
How the comedian, actor and TV-show host went
from supernerd to the skateboardI
was a bit of a pipsqueak until high school, when I grew enough to
be considered normally tiny. Back then, I had no way to get atten-
tion. I wasn’t even a class clown with the confidence to yell out
crummy jokes.
Instead, I’d make remarks under my breath. It was safe, low-talk-
ing sarcasm. In a jam, I could always deny saying something. I kept that
going into adulthood, when it became my comedic style.
Before high school, I was a supernerd. I was in the chess club, spelling-bee
tournaments and the math club, and I read the most books in fifth grade. In
high school, it all went away somehow.
I was born in Birmingham, Mich. We moved to Scottsdale, Ariz., when I
was 4. I remember grabbing rattlesnakes, tarantulas and scorpions with my
brothers and putting them in cages in the house. All stuff my mom, Judith,
hated but let us do. My parents
had divorced when I was 4, so
she let us be boys. We didn’t
have much money but didn’t
know it. Everyone in our neigh-
borhood was the same.
My older brother, Andy, and
I spent a lot of our free time
skateboarding. My oldest
brother, Bryan, wasn’t a skate-
boarder. He was four years
older than me and had to be
the man of the house at 10.
When I was 8, my mom re-
married, and we moved to Casa
Grande, a small mining town
about an hour south. My step-
father was a doctor and made
$36,000 a year. Everyone else’s
dad made $10,000 a year at the
local copper mine. We were the
fancy ones. It made us hated.
Andy, Bryan and I were
pushed around a lot. It was
four scary years. Then we
moved back to Scottsdale.
When I was 15, my stepdad
killed himself. He had been a
medic in Vietnam, and his de-
pression never went away.
My mom had trained to be aFavorite childhood comedian:
Steve Martin
Favorite music category:It’s still
’80s rock
Everyday vehicle:1995 Toyota
Land Cruiser
Favorite black T-shirt brand:
James Perse
Movies most proud of:“Tommy
Boy” and “Joe Dirt”
Biggest fear:Dying before I get
everything done that I want to do
Worst stand-up moment:“When
new jokes aren’t working. The feel-
ing crushes my psyche, but that’s
just the game.”SPADE’S UPGRADES