2019-10-01 Cosmopolitan UK

76 ·^ COSMOPOLITAN

It’sfitting,therefore,thatherdebut
album,whichhashadover1.3billion
streams,is calledExpectations–
becausesheis anartistwhohasbeen
bothfightingtoupholdthoseplaced
onher,andsimultaneouslysmashing
themtopieceseversincethatfirst
recorddealsixyearsago.
Becauseevenasa signed
artist,Rexhajustdidn’tfit
themould.“WhenI first
gotsigned,thelabelsaid,
‘Areyoureadytogetin
boot-campshape?’They
wantedmetolose20lb
(almosta stoneanda half).
BackthenI wassosmall,
I wasonly130lb[around
9 stone].It f*ckedmeup.
I wassocoldallthetime.
I wouldstarvemyselfbefor
filminga musicvideo.”Without
pausingforbreath,shetellsmematter-
of-factlyabouta femalecreative
directorwhomadeherworkouttwice
a day.“She’dsitoppositemeatthe
dinnertableandsay,‘You’renotlosing
enough.’AllI waseatingwassalad.”
Tobeclear,thewomanoppositeme
is – toyouandI – noteven
plus-sized.She’sa healthyand
curvaceoussize10.Smaller
thantheaverageUKwoman
(asize16)andcertainlythan
theaveragewomaninthe
US(UKsize20).Butinher
world,particularlyatthetime
shewascomingupthrough
thepopranks,herswasan
industrydominatedbya
bodystandardthat,formost,
feelsunrealisticatbest,and
borderlinedangerousat worst.
Aftersevenyearsofdealing
withsizediscrimination
behindcloseddoors,offacing
producers and directors and
agents who talked about her
weight as though it wasn’t
something bound up with
her feelings and sense of self-
worth, something happened.
In January 2019, Rexha needed

a dressfortheGrammys.Afterweeks

ofsearching,a messagecameinfrom

herstylist:“Honestly?Peoplearesaying

you’retoobigtofitintotheirdresses.”

“Itbrokemyheart.I wassosad,so

depressed.I feltlikeI wasgarbage.”

Thatsadnesshardenedintosomething

uchmorepowerful– rage.

I thoughttomyself,‘Thisis

ullshit,’sheexplains,words

umblingoutofherlike

lava.“Iwasmad.I wasn’t

tryingtogetbackatanyone,

butI wasn’tstandingfor

it anymore.I wasinthe

studioandI justleft,went

intothekitchen,andmade

videoonmyphone.”

Thatvideohasbeen

atchedover2 million

imesonInstagramand

sharedworldwide.Hermessagehit

home:“Ifa [US]size6/8is toobigthen

I don’tknowwhattotellyou...That’s

crazy.You’resayingthatallthewomen

intheworldthatarea size8 andup

arenotbeautifulandtheycannot

wearyourdresses...f*ckyou,I don’t

wanttowearyourf*ckingdresses.”

Her post galvanized a global

conversation about body image and

sizediscrimination that even reached

industry icons like the late Karl

Lagerfeld (who sent her pieces to try

on)and led to an outpouring of love

andrespect for Rexha on social media.

On our cover shoot in north

London a few hours after she tells me

thisstory, I can see why so many fell

inlove with her. As she sets about

smashing the mannequins on our set,

lifeless symbols that represent the

impossible beauty standards she and

other stars like her are often measured

against, a core of steel emerges. That

same fight, the outrage that led to her

creating that video, is what sets her

apart for her fans and followers.

That nerve may also have saved

hercareer – because it is not just the

entertainment industry’s damaging

attitude to her weight that has forced

Rexha to put her gloves up. She’s had

tofight to protect her talent from the

music industry’s instinct to exploit her.

“When I first got to LA, I worked

with a very big producer. He put me in

a room with lots of other songwriters

and engineers who all seemed

high [on drugs]. One writer

walked in and said, ‘Listen

• you have no hits, but I have
  loads, so I’m going to go
  downstairs and party with my
  friends and you’re going to
  write a song, record the vocals
  and edit it. That will be our
  song that we wrote together.’”
  That encounter happened at
  the home of producer Dr Luke,
  real name Lukasz Sebastian
  Gottwald, who had flown
  Rexha to LA for her big break.
  Just a year later, his profile
  was raised when the singer
  Kesha filed a lawsuit against
  Gottwald citing numerous
  allegations, including
  emotional distress and
  employment discrimination.
  He filed a countersuit alleging
  defamation, and all claims ›

gotsigned,

thelabel

wantedme

CELEBRITY

“Get me

my agent”

OPENING

SPREAD:

DRESS,

TOPSHOP.

NECKLACE,

HER

OWN.

EARRINGS,

H&M

STUDIO.

TIGHTS,

WOLFORD.

BOOTS,

ZARA.

PREVIOUS

SPREAD:

CORSET,

HOUSE

OF

CB.

JEANS,

GAP.

SUNGLASSES,

RIVER

ISLAND.

EARRINGS (JUST SEEN), LARK & BERRY. CHOKER, RUIFIER. RING, THOMAS SABO. THIS SPREAD: JACKET, TOPSHOP. BRA, AGENT PROVOCATEUR. LEGGINGS, TEZENIS. EARRINGS, RIVER ISLAND. SANDALS, ZARA