22 september 2019
Meditation
instructions
for the
tightly
wound
by Sophie Kohn
illustration by Julia Monsonthe practice of meditation offers
numerous benefits to the nervous sys-
tem. But what about the VERY nervous
system? If sitting quietly with your
gently swirling thoughts is less of a
‘relaxation technique’ and more of
a ‘kaleidoscopic hell-prison of your
own making’, you may be too tightly
wound for the standard approach. Try
out these instructions instead:1
Ensure you are seated or lying com-
fortably. Note that this is different
than lying UNcomfortably, which is
what you did that night Marion excit-
edly asked if you liked her enormous,
framed horse collage. Ugh, you were
not convincing. Your voice was all
croaky and weird. You avoided eye con-
tact. She hates you now. You could have
just said that orange gingham horses
maybe aren’t your thing. Or anyone’s
thing. She’s definitely lying in bed with
Paul right this second while they trash
your character and upbringing. Any-
way, make sure you’re comfortable.Department of Wit
CONVERSATIONS