readersdigest.co.in 39How to spot—and neutralize—a bully
By Andre Mayer with Gayathri Sankar
illustration by Sébastien ThibaultG
iven the heightened awareness
around bullying nowadays, most
of us think we know what it looks
like. But even experts are sometimes
surprised by the way this social scourge
manifests, especially among adults.
Aparna Samuel Balasundaram, a
Gurugram-based psychotherapist, life
coach and author, once worked with a
married couple that had fallen into a
destructive pattern. The wife worked
at a consultancy firm, and although
she had a busy schedule, her husband
expected her to be available whenever
he reached out to her. If she didn’t pick
up his call or answer within five to 10
minutes of a text, he’d keep badgering
her with messages. Even if she were
in a meeting, the wife would feel as
though she should excuse herselfbecause of how suspicious he would
become—aggravated by the fact that
she worked in a male-dominated
space. As a result, her work suffered. As
the sessions progressed, it was revealed
that the man had been cheated on by
a previous girlfriend. “Although his
intent was not bad, the fact that he
was carrying baggage did not justify
dumping it on her,” Balasundaram
says. “The relationship was missing a
fundamental factor of trust.”
Bullying can take many forms—
from physical intimidation to online
harassment to mind games. “It can
cross gender lines and often doesn’t
follow a predictable pattern. That
makes it very hard to label,” says
Anna Richards, a conflict coach and
counsellor at The Neutral Zone, aBETTER LIVING
TAKING A
STAND