mind

OBSERVATIONS

You’ve Heard

of Postpartum

Depression

but Probably

Not Postpartum

Anxiety

More accurately known as perinatal anxiety,

and like most people, I had no idea it existed

until it struck me

F

our days after the birth of our daughter, my

husband and I brought her home from the

hospital. We were exhausted but giddy, ready

to start our new lives. For nine months I had imag-

ined what those first weeks at home would be like:

sleepless nights, bleary-eyed arguments, a few

late-night tears, all bundled up in the soft happy

glow of new motherhood. In short, an adventure.

But none of that materialized. What I came up

against instead was a sheer wall of blinding panic.

We had left the hospital with instructions to

wake our newborn up every three hours to feed,

but by the time we got home and settled in, five

hours had elapsed, and nothing would rouse her

long enough to nurse. She lay limp in my arms,

drifting in and out of sleep, howling uncontrollably

just long enough to tire herself out. We took our

cues from the Internet and tickled her feet with ice

cubes, placed wet towels on her head and blew

onto her face but only managed to upset her more.

And somewhere between trying to persuade

her to latch for what felt like the hundredth time

and willing my body to stay awake, it struck me

that I had made a terrible mistake, one that I could

never unmake. My stomach lurched, my hands and

feet went numb, and my heart began to pound. GETTY IMAGES

Dana Najjar is a software engineer

currently pursuing a master's in science

journalism at New York University.

She is originally from Beirut, Lebanon.

OPINION