105
and been signed with Atlantic since 2016.
Then, this spring, her self-empowerment
anthem “Truth Hurts,” originally released in
2017, appeared in the popular Netflix movie
Someone Great and went on to top the Billboard
Hot 100. She performed in front of a giant in-
flatable butt at the Video Music Awards and
carried a tiny Valentino purse down the red car-
pet at the American Music Awards, spawning
a million memes. Her third album, Cuz I Love
You, earned her eight Grammy nominations.
Each moment helped cement her as the defin-
ing entertainer of this year. It also made her a
bigger target. “I have to bite my tongue on cer-
tain things,” she says. “When people challenge
my talent, they challenge whether I deserve to
be here. They challenge my blackness. I’m like,
‘Oh! I can easily just let your ass know right now
in 132 characters why you’re f-cking wrong.’ ”
in general, I reject positivity. I’m a lifelong
pessimist whose Spotify playlists are all called,
like, “Songs to Cry To” and “Life Is the Pits.”
And yet even I, a hard-hearted monster, have
found it hard to resist Lizzo’s aural sunshine.
Part of what makes Lizzo so relatable—and
so important—is that even as she preaches self-
empowerment, she’s candid about the struggle.
This year wasn’t easy for her. “From March to...
now!” She laughs. “I was experiencing a little
bit of unhappiness. I was not happy with the
way I felt to my body. I didn’t feel sexy, and I
didn’t know when it was going to end. There
were times when I would go onstage and be like,
‘Y’all, I’m not going to lie. I’m not feeling myself.’
Sometimes I’d break down and cry. Sometimes
the audience would just cheer to make me feel
better. I was getting sick a lot. I was like, What
the f-ck is going on? I need to fall back in love
with my body.” She’s working on this, along
with the newfound pressures of celebrity, in
therapy. “I didn’t want to be famous,” she says.
“I wanted to be like Brandon Boyd from Incu-
bus! I just want to go to the farmers’ market.”
It’s a good reminder: omnipresent as she may
be, Lizzo is just a person who feels like garbage
sometimes and lives on the same actively dying
rock hurtling through space as the rest of us.
She’s not a walking inspirational infographic.
She knows that part of being enough means
acknowledging your imperfections. Which is
why it’s such a relief to know that she gets down
sometimes—because I know when she gets back
up she’s going to bring us with her. Bye, bitch!
Irby is a best-selling author and essayist;
her next book, Wow, No Thank You, will be
released on March 31
‘I THINK IT’S
HEALTHY TO HAVE
A RELATIONSHIP
WITH YOUR
NAKED BODY’
Lizzo
CHIAKI NOZU—WIREIMAGE/GETTY IMAGES
