T
his wasn’t supposed to happen. The
Kingdom of Sardinia and Corsica was
only ever hypothetical – a right of
conquest granted to James II of Aragon
by Pope Boniface VIII in 1297. He
wouldn’t get around to conquering Sardinia until
almost 30 years later, and he never took Corsica. In this
game of Crusader Kings II, however, not only has the
kingdom unified, it’s expanded. It was created by an
Italian duchess, Matilda di Canossa, in 1069, after she
conquered enough of it to declare herself queen.In the three decades that followed, Matilda launched into
a series of wars, some for new land, others for the Pope
and a few seemingly for the hell of it. This all happened
because, while Matilda is being controlled by the game’s
AI, I’ve been offering
assistance in the form of
console commands, or
‘cheats’ as they’re more
commonly known. The
vast bulk of this assistance
has been cash and
assassination plots, keeping
Matilda’s soldiers well
paid and fed, and her
enemies betrayed by their
closest allies.
As I resume the campaign, the Kingdom of Sardinia
and Corsica has undergone a massive expansion. It had
already consumed a good chunk of Italy – putting Matilda
in conflict with its new king, Adalberto III – and a small
corner of France. Then, in April, 1094, the Pope gifted
Matilda the entire Kingdom of Jerusalem in recognition
for her help during the last Crusade. It’s in moments like
this that I’m glad I’m letting the AI play for me. Matilda is
now holding the titles to 51 parcels of land, which is not
the done thing in the feudal system. Those will have to be
distributed among various minor lords, and, frankly, that
sounds like a lot of tedious admin.FOR GOD’S SAKE
The computer neatly hands out the excess titles and then
goes back to immediately and recklessly starting wars. I’m
just going to say it: letting Matilda loose in the Middle
East was a mistake. She’s now free to declare Holy War on
basically anyone she wants, and has set her sights on the
entirety of Arabia. I worry that she’s finally bitten off more
than she can chew. On the one hand, her army is massive.
On the other, they’re very tired. The bulk of her force is
coming from Italy, which means her soldiers are forced to
trek through Croatia and across the entire Byzantine
Empire just to reach Jerusalem. Many die on the way.
The time it takes for the survivors to arrive gives
Caliph Amr – a ten-year-old child and ruler of the Fatimid
Sultanate – an early lead. It’s not enough. Resupplying in
Jerusalem, Matilda’s forces get to work, steamrolling
through Amr’s smaller,
more spread out armies.
Soon, though, the warscore
tips back in Amr’s favour.
That’s when I realise he’s
sent a force of his own to
Italy. It seems we’ve got
ourselves a base race.
Matilda seems to be
making better use of her
armies – she’s fought
enough battles to be able to
outwit a ten-year-old – but Amr keeps reinforcing. Soon
he’s gathered a force roughly equal to Matilda’s own, that
trails after her army retaking any castles and cities that
she sieges. The outcome is never really in doubt, but the
war drags on regardless. By the time Matilda finally wins,
Amr has turned 16. Arabia is added to the growing
borders of Sardinia and Corsica.
This is yet another sizeable expansion, one that’s a step
too far for some people’s liking. Matilda’s European
neighbours establish a defensive pact against her –
committing to come to one another’s aid if she ever
attacks them. Which, to be honest, is fair enough. She hasTHE RULES1
Tell the story of the
di Canossa family of
Sardinia and Corsica
2
Help out with
console commands
where appropriate
3
Mostly just watch
this geographical
catastrophe unfold
SHE’S FOUGHT
ENOUGH BATTLES TO
BE ABLE TO OUTWIT A
TEN-YEAR-OLD
EXTRA LIFE
NOW PLAYING I MOD SPOTLIGHT I HOW TO I DIARY (^) I REINSTALL I WHY I LOVE I M U S T P L A Y
Another fine mess the
Pope has got us into.
Cue the Benny
Hill theme music.