New York Magazine - 19.08.2019 - 01.09.2019

AUGUSTSEPTEMBER,THECUT 27

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a (fake) gold anklet inspired by the (real) gold anklet the influencer Katie Sturino

bought on her honeymoon in Italy. I like her vibe. Her hot, bearded husband took

her last name! She made me consider buying $460 red Valentino Birkenstocks! It’s

not so much that I want to own her specific dogs or buy the same blazers she wears;

it’s more that I appreciate her distinctive point of view, her taste, her approach to

life (at least the one I see reflected on her feed). Clearly, she tries hard—she got a

concussion on her honeymoon and still went on a Clé de Peau–sponsored trip to Big

Sur—but she’s not a try-hard.

But one woman’s influencer is another woman’s unfluencer, and maybe for some-

one else, Sturino is a persona who mugs for the camera in one too many striped

swimsuits. What makes any one of us cross the

line into loathing is at once specific and hard to

pinpoint. It’s not something you think about;

you just know it when you feel it.

Weddings and vacations are prone to unflu-

ence because people have spent a lot of time

planning them and putting money into making

them look a certain way; children and pets

because they’re generally regarded as cute; activ-

ism and exercise because people like to show off

about doing good for themselves and the planet

(self-care: an unfluencer minefield). I have

found myself compiling a brief list of things

unfluencers have ruined for me, and they include

wide-leg pants, most potted plants, Rachel Cusk,

Aesop hand balm, the Met Breuer, being “into

Broadway,” the Marlton, all destination wed-

dings, Barry’s Bootcamp, the brand Self-Por-

trait, rattan, P50 toner, pink mules, the superbloom, paella (homemade or ordered

in a restaurant), and Maine. And I’ve never even been to Maine! A friend of mine

refuses to wear Nikes, period, after her unfluencer nemesis bought the same shoe in

the same colorway she had almost bought at the Net-a-Porter sale.

An unfluencer has the power to mess with your head, setting you off balance and

making you question what you like and don’t like, what you know to be cool and what

is corny. It makes me wonder, in the back of my mind, if the arbiters of taste I fol-

low—say, the cool Chinatown-dwelling girls always dressed in vintage Issey Miyake—

are maybe not so cool in real life?

it might come downto the narcissism of small differences. I sleep on linen sheets

and occasionally make oat matcha lattes with a special whisk and don’t feel the

need to chronicle it, which makes me feel irrationally superior. But why is the 

SHORT&

DRAWNOUT

ClothesforPlants

ByEdithZimmerman|@edithzimmerman

FINAL FRONTIERS

Is It Time

to Try Blue

Teeth?

By Madeleine Aggeler

teeth, by conventional

wisdom, are best when

you’re not forced to think

about them. On a good day

they’re pain-free, whitish,

and useful for eating. But what

if teeth were actually tiny

porcelain opportunities for

self-expression? Right in

our mouths?!

In 2018, a company called

Chrom introduced a

temporary tooth polish it says

was developed by dentists

(so it won’t poison you or

dissolve your teeth into liquid).

When you’re done, you

brush it off with a tooth brush

or scrape it off with your

fingernail if you’re disgusting

like me. Sounds interesting.

But as I am a practical

woman, my main question is:

Where would one wear

painted teeth? Makeup artist

James Vincent told the Cut

that “these teeth work at

Coachella, they work out in

Bushwick in the club scene.”

So ... basically nowhere.

I decided to try them in

the office on a Tuesday.

My colleagues’ reactions were

what one might call

“overwhelmingly negative.”

“Oh God!” said one woman,

recoiling in horror. “It looks

infected,” said another.

On Instagram, I shared

a video of my new smile, and

though several people I

have made out with watched

it, none of them reached

out and asked to make out

with me again. Maybe I’ll

surprise my dentist with

them and he’ll remember me

as someone with teeth

that are exciting and blue.



EVERYONE

SEEN AT

CHA CHA

MATCHA

AT 4:30

P.M. ON

THURSDAY,

AUGUST1

Guyworking

thecounter

lookslike

Eminemina

redvintageor

“vintage”

T-shirtthat’s

frayingandhas

abaldeagleon

theback.He

hasaNo.3–ish

buzzcut,and

it’shardtotell

ifonlytwoof

hisnailsare

paintedblack

oriftheother

eightarejust

reallychipped.

Deliverygirl

withbraided

pigtailswearsa

camopageboy

capwith

aRastaflagon

thebackand

drawstring

shortsthatsay

“circus”onthe

front.Herblack

tanktoplooks

likeshecut

itherselfand

coversthree

tattoos:

aquarternote,

thePrince

symbol,and

achandelier.

Herarm

partyis„ive

braceletsdeep.

AnAsiangirl

iswearinga’40s

pinup–meets–

Savedby

theBelloutit:

purpleacid-

washshorts

withonebutton

undone,

afrillypurple

blouse,black

Tevas,and

translucent-

pinksun-

glasses.The

endsofherhair

aremagenta.

Allofher

makeupisred.

(^) 
A friend of mine
refuses to wear
Nikes, period, after
her unluencer
nemesis bought
the same shoe in the
same colorway she
had almost bought.