involving preparation for the coursework and anticipation of the new students I will be teaching.
I have found that most parents have spent the secondary school years working with their kids to help them
prepare academically, while focusing secondarily on the extracurricular activities that go on the university
application. And many parents make sure that their kids know how to do their laundry, make their beds and
keep their space neat.
But in more than a decade of teaching university students, I have found some important life skills lacking:
both “soft” skills that involve direct communication, and the routines that establish independence. These
are the skills that will allow for more successful learning in the classroom and a greater sense of belonging
on campus and in the wider world.
Addressing others respectfully
Email is a common form of written communication between professors and students, and every year I have
to instruct my classes that when they send me an email, they should begin with “Dear Professor” and not
“Hey”. Labour Department statistics indicate that the number of teenage workers has been declining for
years. Incoming undergraduates often have very limited interaction, electronically or otherwise, with adults
who are not their school teachers or friends of their parents. Part of the anxiety I see in those students stems
from being unsure how to address and interact with older people and authority figures. This is not about
saying “yes, sir”; this is about maintaining eye contact and controlling body movement.
No matter how smart your child is, if they are trying to learn life skills at the same time they are taking on
the pressure of university, they will be at a disadvantage
Like most professors, I encourage students to speak to me directly after class or in my office. But many
students don’t do it. Why? Those who do visit admit to being anxious about talking one-on-one with a
professor because interacting with someone older or “in charge” is not something they did without their
parents being present. They are often palpably relieved that doing it “right” isn’t that tough, as long as they
choose their words more carefully than when talking to their friends (no dropping F-bombs), and don’t
swing their keys or try to put their feet up. They realise they simply need to stay calm and get to the point.
They are often following the directions that parents have given them for good behaviour; they just had few
chances to try it on their own.
Managing their own schedules
My school offers scheduling software (as most do), and I see the telltale colour-coding on the screens of my
students. Over the years, I’ve asked students whether it’s helpful. Most respond in the affirmative. But they
admit it gets harder and harder to follow as the term moves on and the workload increases. For those
students for whom self-regulation is new, having the tools doesn’t guarantee success. Those who have
organised their own schedules in the past – getting themselves to school or practice, showing up for events
or simply getting home for dinner on time – know that things don’t always go according to plan. They make
better use of the tools, but they know sticking to a schedule is harder than planning one.
How to help? Let them learn by doing, by managing their own schedules. And if you run into trouble? One
parent kept track of the number of minutes spent waiting for her constantly late son, and deducted those
minutes, times five, from his weekly screen time. When he had a good (not perfect) week, he got bonus
minutes. Screen time, game time, play time – whatever is valued can be used to teach this lesson.
Our student life professionals shared another story about a mother of an undergraduate who called the