Best Health – August-September 2019

best health AUGUST | SEPTEMBER 2019 21

BEST ADVICE

LISA SAYS...

Breakups have always been a hot

topic in my psychotherapy prac-

tice. From divorces to family riffs,

the end of any significant relation-

ship can have serious conse-

quences on mental wellness. But

you’re not doomed to be stuck in a

black hole. It is possible to restore

your confidence and feel whole

once again.

One of the most common feel-

ings that arises after a breakup is

an intense sense of loneliness and

isolation. Once you’ve become

used to having someone by your

side, the loss of a partner can bring

up a conspicuous sense of empti-

ness. This is a great time to call on

your resources and book social

activities with friends and family.

The space will feel less empty if

you fill it with people who love you

and remind you of your value.

Another resource to tap: ther-

apy. Talking about your feelings

with a therapist can help you chal-

lenge the negative self-talk and

guide you to a place of strength

and acceptance.

Instead of becoming stuck in a

IS pattern of self-blame and criti-

TO

C

K

ELIZABETH WIENER AND

LISA BROOKMAN

Elizabeth Wiener is an educator

who lives with depression and

anxiety. Lisa Brookman is a

clinical psychotherapist based

in Montreal. Together, they form

WiseWomenCanada.com

@wisewomencanada

We’ve all felt it at one time or

another: the gut-wrenching pain

of the end of a relationship.

Whether it’s the demise of a

romance or the end of a close

friendship, a breakup can take a

significant toll on our self-confi-

dence and make us question our

value. Fortunately, with the

right approach, it’s possible to

shake those feelings, get back to

ourselves again and even grow

from the experience.

cism, learn to love yourself again.

Find activities that make you feel

purposeful and accomplished.

Challenge yourself to do some-

thing outside of your comfort zone.

There’s no better way to boost your

resilience and self-confidence and

remind yourself of how awesome

you are!

ELIZABETH SAYS...

The recent demise of a close

friendship left me reeling. It

wasn’t an amicable breakup, and

her final words were like a knife in

my heart. They made me question

my worth and shook my sense of

confidence. It took some time, but

with hard work and determina-

tion, I finally got my groove back.

Instead of disparaging my for-

mer friend and focusing on the

negatives of the relationship, I

tried to embrace what it taught me.

I found gratitude in the lessons I

learned about myself and what I

would and would not accept in

future relationships.

During our final conversation, I

was so blindsided by her harsh

words that I found myself at a com-

plete loss. The fact that I wasn’t

able to express myself left me feel-

ing resentful and frustrated.

Instead of risking another conver-

sation, I chose a different path. I’ve

always expressed myself best in

writing, and composing a letter to

my ex-friend (that I never sent)

helped me deal with unresolved

feelings and find much-needed

closure. Putting my emotions on

paper was healing and helped me

feel empowered.

The loss of a close friend created

a void that felt cold and lonely. But

filling that space with meaningful

outlets and activities allowed me

to broaden my horizons, meet new

people and rediscover passions

that I hadn’t visited in years. I

reconnected with some old

friends, volunteered for a mental

health organization and made time

for self-care. Giving back and put-

ting myself on the priority list

helped me feel back to myself. bh