MEN’S HEALTH 55Theput on him by the devious vegan plant
creature Triffidos. (I told you theatrics
were important.) With a grin, Anansi
shows me the championship belt he’s been
working towards for years. Then he puts
me in a particularly vicious wrist lock.THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING
I take on tag-team champion Lechuza,
too. The Owl is also particularly good at
pinning his opponents down, as I learn
with my face on the floor. And when I
take on Metallico – gym master Burridge- I’m powerless to fight back. He puts me
in a Mexican stretch, before knocking
the wind out of me with a European
uppercut. Then, it’s time for his finisher:
the stalling suplex. Hanging vertically
in the air, I gird myself for a pair of
broken elbows. Mercifully, he drops me
onto my knees instead. I immediately
jump into a celebratory forward roll
and pull a muscle in my glute. It’s better
than shitting myself, I suppose.
Nursing a sore cheek and some
wounded pride, I slide out of the ring and
walk smack into Anthony Ogogo, who
has been standing at the side, gleefully
watching me get a thorough beating. I
ask what brings a guy like him to a place
like this, besides a potential career in
the WWE. “I’ve been in the Olympic
Games, and I’ve travelled the world as a
professional athlete, but this is by far the
most fun I’ve ever had training,” he says.
“I don’t get any preferential treatment, nor
would I want to. In here, we’re all equals.”
It’s Ogogo’s third session, too, though
he has taken to it a little more naturally
than me. But his answer rings true. There’s
no shaming, no one-upmanship, no
unhealthy competition. As a luchador,
a world-class boxer can go toe to toe with
someone who has never set foot in a gym
before, and both will come out smiling.
I’m mulling over how to write a
charming conclusion about inclusiveness
and good sportsmanship, when I feel
Greg’s hand on my shoulder. It seems
that Metallico has one final trick up his
sleeve tattoo. Before I can protest, the
music starts, and I’m being pushed into
the ring to promo my character in front
of 50-odd aspiring pro wrestlers. My
heart is hammering but, as I look from
mask to mask, I realise that this is a truly
judgement-free zone. It’s a rare place that
invites you to unleash your inner self, even
if that inner self is a Mexican muscle head
with a penchant for Marvel cosplay.
Without thinking, I go for it. The
crowd cheers. I open my mouth. “El
Journalistico” is born.
KNEE PADS
Almost everyone
Bobby trained with
wore them. You’ll be
jumping from heights
over and over again,
which means your
knees will take the
majority of the impact
of many falls. Don’t
be a hero.LOWER BACK
When you fall, you
should be thrusting
your hips upward, and
taking the impact on
your upper back and
arms. This reduces
your chances of spine
injury. Also, keep your
head up to avoid a
concussion.HAM IT UP
Mexican wrestling is
an oddly low-contact
sport. You’re never in
a truly incapacitating
wrist lock, for
example. So, you
have to distort your
face and claw at your
trapped limbs, or the
charade won’t work.Mucho
Easier
To be a high-flyer, you
need to learn how to
get slammed without
being hurt – and also
to look as though
you’re in pain when
you’re not. This is how
to wrestle through
your first session“I’m powerless.
Metallico puts
me in a Mexican
stretch, thenknocks the wind
out of me with
an uppercut”LEARNING TO
FALL SAFELY IS
PARAMOUNT