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Daily Mail, Friday, August 23, 2019(^) TELEVISION
FILM CHOICES
Bridget Jones’s Baby, 11pm, Ch5
BRIDGET marks her return to the
screen after a 12-year absence by getting
herself into another fine mess. Renee
Zellweger is now a sleeker Bridget
with less need for firming power pants,
while Patrick Dempsey joins Colin
Firth as her love interests this time.
American History X, 11pm, ITV4
RE-EDITED by
the studio, which
was nervous
about its extreme
content, the
British director
Tony Kaye’s
debut — about
neo-Nazis in
America — makes
for uncomfortable
viewing. But it’s
meant to. What
is beyond debate
are the superb performances by Edward
Norton and Edward Furlong (pictured).
rformances byEdward
The missus has walked out... so
I’ve replaced her with an octopus
FANCY FLANNEL OF THE MONTH:
This week, the Beeb has screened
what it calls ‘revised repeats’.
Even Celebrity Eggheads (BBC2)
has been replayed under this
pretentious label. Why can’t they
just be honest and say, ‘Everyone’s
on holiday so here’s some filler’?A
ny chap would do
the same. When
David Scheel’s wife
moved out of their
home in Anchorage,
Alaska, and took most of the
living room furniture in the
divorce deal, he used the
extra space for his hobby.
Some would build a model
railway, or spread out half a million
Lego bricks to build the Millennium
Falcon, or bring their cassettes
down from the loft to be carefully
alphabetised — all good, manly
pastimes. Professor Scheel
installed an octopus tank.
After all, he reasoned on The
Octopus In My House (BBC2), his
16-year-old daughter Laurel
wanted a dog. Dogs are affectionate,
and so are octopuses, so eight-
legged Heidi supplied the perfect
compromise.
The newly single Prof was clearly
so delighted to be able to indulge
his eccentricities that it would be
churlish to question his sanity. And
who wouldn’t go slightly bonkers in
Anchorage — a town that looks like
the American Dream swallowed up
by an ice age, where wild moose
trample over suburban gardens to
munch shrubbery in snowdrifts.
Once Heidi had been dragged up
the icebound front path in a plas-
tic crate and plopped into an
aquarium about the size of a peo-
ple-mover, she promptly burrowed
under a rock and hid (that’s whythe Prof called her Heidi). But as
she gained confidence, Heidi began
to show us just why David, the
professor of marine biology at
Alaska Pacific University, is so
enraptured by these animals. It
was utterly fascinating.
Like a psychedelic lightshow, she
was constantly changing colours,
not just to merge into her
background, but to express her
emotions. One moment she looked
like an eight-tentacled panda, the
next a floating milk-white ghost,
before dividing herself down the
middle in a russet-and-cream colour
scheme like a Seventies sofa.
And it wasn’t just her camouflage
that changed. Her texture did, too.
Heidi could lie as smooth and flat
as a puddle on the bottom of her
tank, or bunch up into a bundle of
bumps. David and Laurel were able
to watch her behaviours for hours
instead of spending only a few
minutes observing underwater
with a scuba tank, as most
naturalists do. Perhaps this wasn’t
such a lunatic idea after all.
Laurel was definitely the clever
mollusc’s favourite. She’d happily
wrap her tentacles round the girl’sThe Octopus In My House HHHHH Monster Ships HHHII
CHRISTOPHER
STEVENS
LAST NIGHT’S TV
arm for 30 minutes, tasting and
exploring her skin while getting
her suckers tickled.
And if you’re sceptical, and
don’t believe that octopuses can
recognise people and even feel
affection for individuals, then
you’ve never watched one fast
asleep and dreaming.
The way Heidi twitched, rippled
and glowed in her sleep hadundeniable parallels to a dog
dozing in its basket, with legs
wriggling and ears flickering.
The Prof was right. Who
needs a pooch when you’ve got
an octopus?
An equally bizarre, though
man-made, sea creature was on
display in Monster Ships (yester-
day channel) as the One Columba
bulk freighter laden with 14,000shipping containers ploughed
the oceans. Wide-angle lenses
struggled to do justice to the
sheer scale of the 360 metre
(1,181ft) whopper.
We watched as this neon pink
leviathan headed into Hamburg,
skimming under a bridge so low
the captain could have reached
up and touched the underside.
If you like your documentaries
heavily freighted with statistics,
this delivered them by the
ton. We even learned the length
of the booms used to load
the decks (139 metres, or 456ft, if
you wondered).
Just the sort of programme a
bloke might want to watch after
his missus has left him with one
armchair and a TV set.CHANNEL 5
6.00 Milkshake! Peppa Pig (R,HD) 6.05
Peppa Pig (R,HD) 6.10 Peppa Pig (R) 6.15 Ben
and Holly’s Little Kingdom (R) 6.30 Olly the
Little White Van (R,HD) 6.35 Noddy: Toyland
Detective (R,HD) 6.45 Fireman Sam (R,HD)
6.55 Thomas & Friends: Big World! Big
Adventures! (R,HD) 7.05 Shane the Chef
(R,HD) 7.20 Peppa Pig (R,HD) 7.30 Peppa Pig
(R,HD) 7.40 Top Wing (R,HD) 7. 5 5 Paw Patrol
(R,HD) 8.05 Digby Dragon (R,HD) 8.20 Little
Princess (R,HD) 8.40 Shimmer and Shine
(R,HD) 8.55 Floogals (R,HD) 9.10 Sunny
Bunnies (R,HD)
9.15 Jeremy Vine (HD)
11.15 GPs: Behind Closed Doors
(AD,R,HD)
12.10 5 News Lunchtime (HD)
12.15 Big Week at the Zoo (R,HD)
1.10 Access (HD)
1.15 Home and Away (AD,HD)
1.45 Neighbours (AD,HD)
2.15 Psycho In-Law (2017) (HD) Thriller,
starring Katie Leclerc and
Catherine Dyer.
4.00 Friends (R,HD)
4.30 Friends (R,HD)
5.00 5 News (HD)
5.30 Neighbours (AD,R,HD) Harlow tells
Gail that she wants to stay.
6.00 Home and Away (AD,R,HD) There
is a shocking development in
Ben’s surfboard order.
6.30 5 News Tonight (HD)7.00 Cricket on 5: The Ashes (HD)
England v Australia. Action from
the day two of the Third Test, as
the five-match series continued
at Emerald Headingley Stadium.
(Followed by 5 News Update)8.00 Big Week at the Zoo (HD)
Eastern black rhino Olmoti
prepares to leave Yorkshire
Wildlife Park for a new life
in Rwanda. Last in series.
(Followed by 5 News Update)9.00 The World’s Most Expensive
Cruise Ship (HD) New series.
Behind-the-scenes glimpse of
life on board the world’s most
luxurious cruise ship, the Seven
Seas Explorer, revealing the
secrets of this floating hotel.10.00 William & Harry: Princes at
War? (R,HD) Assessing rumours
of a rift between the Dukes of
Cambridge and Sussex, asking
if there is any truth to the claims
or if it has been blown out
of proportion by the media.11.00 Bridget Jones’s Baby (2016) (15)
◆ (HD) After a pair of one-night
stands, the now single Bridget
Jones winds up pregnant.
Comedy sequel, starring Renee
Zellweger. See Critics’ Choice.1.25 The 21.co.uk Live Casino Show
(HD) 3.25 FILM: Jackie Chan’s The
Tuxedo (2002) (12) ◆ (HD) Comedy
adventure, starring Jackie Chan and
Jennifer Love Hewitt. 4.55 House
Doctor (BSL,R) 5.20 House Doctor
(BSL,R) 5.45 Access (R,HD)(^) ▲ Particularly liable to offend
WELSH TV VARIATIONS
BBC1: 1.30pm BBC Wales Today; Weather. 6.30 BBC
Wales Today; Weather. 7.30 Kate Humble: Off the
Beaten Track. New series. Kate climbs Wales’ tallest
man-made structure. 10.25 BBC Wales Today;
Weather. 10.35 Tudur’s TV Flashback. Tudur Owen
sets out to discover the truth about love. 11.05
Heartbreak Holiday. The group reaches Santorini.
11.50 New Tricks. 12.50am The Truth About Meat.
1.50 BBC News; Weather.
ITV: 1.20pm News Cymru Wales; Weather.
S4C: 6.00am Cyw. 12noon Newyddion S4C a’r
Tywydd. 12.05 Parti Bwyd Beca. 12.30 Heno.
1.00 Dylan ar Daith. 2.00 Newyddion S4C a’r Tywydd.
2.05 Prynhawn Da. 3.00 Newyddion S4C a’r Tywydd.
3.05 Iolo Williams: Mwnciod Cudd China. 4.00
Awr Fawr: Olobobs. 4.05 Awr Fawr: Da ’Di Dona.
4.15 Awr Fawr: Bach a Mawr. 4.30 Awr Fawr: Stiw.
4.45 Awr Fawr: Deian a Loli. 5.00 Stwnsh. 6.00
Bwyd Epic Chris. 6.30 Heno. 7.30 Newyddion S4C
a’r Tywydd. 7. 5 5 Sgorio. 10.00 Aur y Noson Lawen.
11.00 Straeon Tafarn.
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