Daily Mail - 27.08.2019

Page 56 Daily Mail, Tuesday, August 27, 2019

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LETTERS

Hero who got me to

the church on time

K

eith Woodland’s

letter about

accepting a lift

from a stranger

(Peterborough)

reminded me of

something that happened

in the mid-50s when i was

about eight or nine.

My mother had volunteered

me as a page boy at her best

friend’s daughter’s wedding of.

the fitting for my Little Lord

Fauntleroy outfit was bad

enough, the rehearsal where

the bridesmaid kept

scratching me when nobody

was looking even worse, but

when i was told i was to miss

ABC Minors on the Saturday

morning, i threw a tantrum.

Missing the cartoons, Flash

Gordon and Zorro was adding

insult to injury.

to shut me up, it was agreed i

could go provided i was home

by noon at the latest, but

acting responsibly is not easy

for a small boy. i suppose i

may have torn myself away

from the cinema a bit earlier

than usual but, in any event, as

i got to the bus stop, there was

a queue a mile long and when

the bus arrived that would get

me home in time i couldn’t get

on it. in blind panic i decided

to run home.

After about 20 minutes, with a

This England

Today’s poem

Sign Language

THE POET’S LAMENT

I’d like to think that I’ve

been blessed with much

more talent than the rest.

I write of happiness and

tears, a verbal Vincent

with two ears.

I’m waxing lyrically every

day, I’ll never let my

brain decay.

Poetic justice if there is

Then surely I should be

the biz.

I know the writing’s on the

wall; the famous poets

have to fall.

Before my name can hit the

top, I’ll have to take that

six-foot drop.

I don’t intend to leave this

life, to leave the rewards

of my strife

To others who can’t spare

the time, to think of lots of

words that rhyme.

Artimus Crete,

Bootle, Merseyside.

... and Limerick

Though they warn us about

acid rain,

And world temperatures

getting insane,

Prince Harry and Meg

Must be pulling our leg,

’Cos they constantly travel

by plane.

Paul A. Freeman, Abu Dhabi.

IT’S JUST NOT CRICKET!

Spotted at Kent County

Cricket Ground,

Beckenham, by Paul

Scudamore, of

London SE19.

TOTAL COVERAGE: Did someone at the Northampton

Chronicle and echo have a ‘top-to-toe’ approach with these

adjacent advertisements?

Linda Calvey, Duston, Northampton.

Write to: Daily Mail Letters,

2 Derry Street, London W8 5TT

email: [email protected]

PETERBOROUGH

email: [email protected]

Private jet set

eLtON JOhN has done us all a great

service by demonstrating the

standards by which many wealthy

Britons live. they have so much

money that it means nothing to

them, and they will never compre-

hend the lives of others.

it appears elton did think that the

public were justified to protest at

the emissions caused by private jet

flights taken by the Duke and

Duchess of Sussex, but this

criticism became invalid when

some more money was spent on

carbon offsetting.

Perhaps if the same sum had been

donated to charities curing trachoma

in Africa, he would have the

satisfaction of saving hundreds of

good people from blindness.

C. N. WESTERMAN,

Brynna, Mid Glamorgan.

JUStiFiCAtiON for an all-expenses-

paid holiday at elton John’s villa is

that harry and Meghan have had a

hectic year and been working very

hard. they have several staff

including a nanny and have been on

other holidays.

My definition of a hectic year and

working hard is a young couple on

minimum wage paying a fortune for

child care and not being able to

afford a family holiday.

BRIAN FLETCHER, Filey, N. Yorks.

the criticism of Meghan and harry

for taking private jet flights is unfair.

Well done, Sir elton John, for giving

them a helping hand. imagine the

stress of travelling on a commercial

aircraft with three-month-old baby

Archie? What if they had ended up

with a plane-load of British lager

louts or dozy hen parties that the

rest of us have to endure?

Pity the poor person sitting next

to the Duke and Duchess of Sus-

sex if Archie squawked the whole

journey — most of us know the

exasperation of screaming babies on

a charter flight.

even if Britain achieved carbon

neutral status, it would have little

global effect while india and China

are producing such high levels of

polluting emissions.

it’s time airlines made life bearable

for those who can only afford to

travel economy. Perhaps double size

seats for the obese at an extra cost

and a blacklist of unruly passengers.

Sorry, but if i won the Lottery, the

first thing i’d do would be to fly by

private jet.

KEITH MASSEY, York.

CARBON offset used to justify the

use of private jets is a three card trick.

instead of paying £168 to plant trees

to justify flying in this exclusive way,

why not make the charitable contri-

bution and fly with the public? Yo u

still travel to your destination and the

trees have a positive effect instead of

negating damage already done.

G. P. RUSSELL, Wickersley, S. Yorks.

Hot air Brits

i WAS pleased to hear 85 per cent of

British adults are concerned about

global warming (Mail). But then i

considered the evidence of my own

eyes. So many drivers are behind the

wheel of a thumping great 4x4 or

high-performance vehicle with

multiple exhausts.

i suspect being concerned is one

thing, but backing it up with action

is quite another.

STEVE ROBERTS,

Christchurch, Dorset,

On your mettle

iF the Government is spending

millions of pounds a week keeping

British Steel going, why waste £70 mil-

lion in legal fees and promise a further

£900 million in investment to a foreign-

owned pension fund company?

Just nationalise the business and

then ensure the steel required for

future infrastructure projects is

truly British.

HARRY GEORGE, Romsey, Hants.

Backstop bargaining

WhY has the backstop been

portrayed as an insurance policy

when it is a bargaining tool?

the eU want us to stay in, or at

least keep paying.

it also wants to show the other 27

countries how leaving will hurt and

the Republic of ireland wants to

reclaim Northern ireland.

Britain is left with four choices:

Give in to all the eU Brexit trade

demands; give up on Northern

ireland; join Northern ireland as a

vassal sub-set of the eU; or revoke

Article 50.

BEN DAVIS, Lincoln.

ANGeLA MeRKeL has given Boris

Johnson 30 days to sort out the irish

border — or else what? the British

and irish governments have said

they will not build a border, so is the

eU going to send in bricklayers to do

the job, presumably from the irish

HAVE you lost a relative or

friend in recent months whose

life you’d like to celebrate? Our

column on Friday’s letters page

tells the stories of ordinary

people who lived extraordinary

lives. Email a 350-word tribute

to: [email protected] or

write to: Extraordinary Lives,

Daily Mail, 2 Derry Street,

London W8 5TT. Please include a

contact phone number.

CELEBRATE LIFE

OF A LOVED ONE

I trained visiting seagulls using the

Barbara Woodhouse pecking order!

RESEARCHERS claim that if you out-stare a

seagull, it will not steal your food (Mail).

A pair of herring gulls visit me daily and by

using the Barbara Woodhouse method of

obedience training, I have taught them not

to snatch food.

Barbara was famed for her command ‘Sit!’,

bawled out in Army sergeant-style to a line

of dogs, which achieved instant results. I

have substituted ‘Sit!’ for a stern ‘No!’ backed

up by a raised finger and eye contact.

Alfie, the alpha male seagull, flies down first

and waits for me to put the food bowl on the

doorstep (pictured). On hearing my ‘OK,

come and get it’, he will gobble it all up. He

keeps a watchful eye on Minnie, his mate,

when it’s her turn to feed. This is a big change

from when I first started feeding the gulls.

Alfie, being bigger and domineering, would

devour all of it, leaving Minnie with nothing.

ELIZABETH WRIGHT, Eastbourne, E. Sussex.

stitch in my side, down to

walking pace and barely at the

halfway point, the tears began

to flow.

As i passed a plumber’s yard,

blubbering away, two men

chatting outside the front

gate asked what was

wrong and my tale of woe

poured out.

One of them went into the

yard, got the work’s van out

and drove me home.

All i remember of the journey

was the clattering of assorted

tools and pipes and that i

offered the bus fare, which i’m

sure was refused.

even in those more trusting

days getting into a car with a

stranger was a big taboo, so i

kept quiet about my

wonderful saviour.

indeed, to my eternal shame, i

milked my new-found

reputation for reliability for all

it was worth.

About the wedding, i

remember nothing.

Ian S. Clark,

Freuchie, Fife.

One-line

philosophers

ICE CREAM vans go from

0-30 at quite a lick.

Vincent Hefter,

Richmond, Surrey.

WHEN it comes to birthday

cakes, nobody can hold a

candle up to you.

P. Turberville,

Ashover, Derbyshire.

Out of the mouths of babes

WheN my granddaughter

Brooke was three years old,

she was asked by her

mummy what the Peter

Rabbit book was about.

She was looking at the

pictures after being read to.

Brooke replied: ‘two dead

chickens and stuff ’.

Good explanation, i think!

Christine Wilson,

Southend-on-Sea, Essex.