(^36) DAILY MIRROR TUESDAY 27.08.2019
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LOVE
FAC T
DEAR COLEEN
Britain’s most straight-talking problem page
[email protected]
HUSBAND HAS NEVER HAD A SEX DRIVE
Dear Coleen
My husband and I got together
in our early 20s, were married
after six months and had three
children very quickly, one after
the other.
Despite this, looking back, I can
see that my husband never had
much of a sex drive. Once I was
pregnant we never had sex until
long after the baby was born, and
because I had three children
under five and he had a busy job, there
was always a reason not to have sex.
But now I can see he never initiated it
in the way my friends said their
husbands did. As the children got older,
and we started to have more time for
ourselves, our sex life was still practically
non-existent. We’re now in our early 60s
and haven’t had sex in 10 years.
Whenever I try to bring it up, my
husband refuses to discuss it. I don’t
think he’s gay, he just says that he’s not
really interested in sex but that he loves
me and enjoys our life together.
Other than the sex thing, he’s a lovely
husband. But our lack of sex life, and the
fact he shows no interest in me in that
respect, is so hurtful to my self-esteem.
Coleen says
When somebody in a relationship
refuses to discuss something, how on
earth are we supposed to handle it?
You’ve told him you’re not happy, and
that his lack of interest makes you feel
unattractive, so I’m sorry, he needs
to do something about this.
You say he’s a lovely husband, but
a lovely husband would talk about
something that was bothering his wife.
I can’t stand it when people say,
“I’m not going to discuss it”. You
can’t sort out a marital problem on
your own. I’ve learnt this the hard
way.
I think you should go back to your
husband and insist you have therapy.
I had therapy with my first husband
as I just didn’t know what to do, and I
was too scared to make the decision.
My therapist didn’t make the choice
for me, but she helped me find the
strength to talk to my ex.
You’re not asking for sex every
minute of the day, but you’re only in
your 60s and not ready to give up sex.
There’s great medication and
counselling for low sex drive, so your
husband has to stop burying his head
in the sand.
SINGLE AND I
WANT TO START
DATING AGAIN
Dear Coleen
Five years ago I got divorced from
my husband. Our children were one
and three, but we had a friendly
break-up and we have joint custody.
I’m now 37 and while my ex has
moved on, I’m still single. A couple
of my friends have also been
through a divorce with young
children and they’ve both met
people. I’ve tried internet dating,
but most of the men aren’t my type
or are just interested in sex.
My kids are a little older now, and
stay with my husband regularly, and
I’d love to meet somebody I can
enjoy drinks and dinners with and
then turn into a serious relationship.
But I just can’t seem to meet
anybody. What’s wrong with me?
Coleen says
I bet there isn’t anything wrong
with you. Perhaps you’re fussier
than your friends, or perhaps the
right person just hasn’t come
along yet. I know you’ve tried
internet dating and didn’t have
much luck, but give it another go.
Quite a few of my friends have
met their long-term partners on
dating sites. But it didn’t happen
right away. They went on loads of
horrendous dates first, and then
they met their husbands.
Stay off the younger ones,
where a lot of the men are
probably just looking for sex. Do
some research and go on one of
the more sensible sites. Maybe
take up some hobbies too because
that’s a great way to meet people.
Is there anything you’re
interested in? Like the gym? Or
tennis or a local running club? But
the best way to find love is to stop
looking for it. While this is easier
said than done, stop thinking about
it. You’re young and you’ll meet the
right person in good time.
The ideal
amount of sex
for a happy
relationship?
Once a week,
according to
a study of
over 30,000
people from
the University
of Toronto.
Sign up now at mirrordating.co.uk
JOIN
FREE
TODAY
EMAIL: [email protected]
WRITE TO: Coleen Nolan, The Daily Mirror, One Canada Square, London E14 5AP.
- sorry, but Coleen can’t reply personally.
PROBLEMS? Tell Coleen Nolan about them and
she’ll give you an honest answer... every weekday in the Daily MirrorFamily hate me after my
affair with sister’s hubby
Dear Coleen
Last year, I was unhappily married and
stupidly had a fling with my sister’s
husband. They have been together
since their teens and I’ve always got
along really well with him and found
him attractive.
He’s an odd-job man and often
comes round to help us around the
house. Last year, we had a new kitchen
fitted that he helped with, and he was
around a lot.
At the same time, my husband and
I were sleeping in separate bedrooms
and he was away travelling a lot for
work. One evening, my brother-in-law
came round to put up some shelves,
and we had a glass of wine and he
kissed me. I felt terrible, but the next
time he came round we slept together,
and it happened a few more times. My
sister found out and told our family,
including my husband, who left me.
My sister forgave her husband
though and now the whole family has
turned against me.
My mum came round to see me just
after my husband left and said shecould barely stand to look at me for
what I did to my sister.
I know what I did was wrong and I
caused a lot of pain, but I don’t see whyeverybody has forgiven my brother-in-
law more easily than me. I’ve lost my
whole family over a stupid mistake
and I don’t know what to do.Coleen says
I think they’ve probably forgiven your
brother-in-law because your sister has.
If she had kicked him out, they
probably wouldn’t be speaking to him.
They’re just focusing on making her
happy because she’s been devastated
by what happened.
They may be talking to him, but they
probably don’t trust him and don’t like
him very much. But they’re putting up
with him because it’s her choice. What
you did was terrible and it was only
last year, so it’s still very raw.
In time, sit down and try to talk to
each family member individually and
explain you made a massive mistake
because you were unhappy. You can
only say how sorry you are, and just
hope they forgive you in time. It’s going
to be difficult because your sister is
still with him, so you’ll still see him.
And of course your sister isn’t going
to want you in the same room as him,
so this is going to take a long time. And
she might not forgive you. But your
parents probably will in time because
you are their daughter too.My sister
forgave
him and
they’ve all
turned
against me