Woman’s Weekly UK – 27 August 2019

KEREN’S HELPLINES

WORRYING:MANAGEYOURFEARS 09044700716

CONCERNEDABOUTMEMORYLOSS? 09044700717

WHENYOURCHILDRENLEAVEHOME 09044700831

HOWTOCOPEWITHAGEINGPARENTS 09044700719

COMINGTOTERMSWITHLOSSANDGRIEF 09044700804

HOWTOBANISHYOUREMPTYFEELINGS 09044700802

Here TO HELP

womansweekly.com 35

Let counsellor Keren lighten your load

Ourrelationshipexpert

KerenSmedleyhasmore

than20 years’ experience

Users must be over 18. You must have the bill payer’s permission. Calls cost 65p per minute plus your network’s access charge. Each line lasts approx. seven minutes. Service provider: Spoke Ltd, 0333 202 3390

EmailWomansWeeklyPostbag@ti-media.

comWritetoHereToHelp,Woman’sWeekly,

161 MarshWall,LondonE149APVisit

Keren’s site at experiencematters.org.uk.

Technology’snotforme

Q

I’m 79 andI don’twantto

learnanymoretechnology.

I getoverwhelmedwhenmy

familytalkandI justcan’tkeepup.

Theykeepnaggingmetolearnthe

newthingstheylove,andI don’twant

to.I knowtheywanttosharewithme

butit feelsasif they’re forcing me.

Jane, Tewkesbury

A

Noonecanforceyouto learn

anything.ThequestionI haveis,

what’sbehindyourthinking?

If youresistbecauseit isn’tof interest

andyougainnothing,well,that’supto

you.If, however,therearethingsthat

wouldmakeyourlifeeasier,helpyou

to connectwithothersandsoon,then

maybe you’d like to learn those skills.

Perhapschoosebasedonwhat’sbestfor

youratherthanoptingfora blanketno.

Andexplainyourthinkingto your

family so they can be more sympathetic.

Q

I’mbeginningtowonderwhat

makesa friend.I’vebeenthrough

a toughtimerecentlyand

neededsomesupport.Butmyfriends’

responseshavesaddenedme.Somehave

calledbutnevervisitedme, and others have dropped in only once.

Mich,Kidderminster

A

It’saninteresting

question.Sounds

likeyouhavea

setof criteriaforwhat

makesa goodfriend,

andyouaren’talone.

I thinkweallknowwhat

wewantfroma friend.

Wherewecango

wrongis whenwe

assumetheythinkthe

same.Thosewhodidn’t

visitmaybepeople

whowouldn’twant

helpfromtheirfriends

if theyweredown,

sotheyofferwhatit is

thattheywant.Some

maystrugglewithillness

andpreferto stayaway.

Therewillbelotsof

reasonswhypeople

responddifferently.

Whenwedon’tknow

whyothersaredoing

something,a goodway

to workit outis to think

offiveto 10 reasons

whytheymaynot

havecome.You’llthen

realiseyoudon’tknow

whatstoppedthem

andwillseethatmany

of thereasonsyou’ve

imaginedaren’tabout

howtheyfeelabout

youastheirfriend.

Fromwhatyousay,

youseemto thinkit’s

becausetheydon’t

care,butI doubtthat.

A questionI’mleft

withis howoftendo

weaskfriends,before

weneedhelp,forthe

supportwewant?If you

wantsomethingfrom

someone,youneedto

tellthemin advance.If

theycan’t,theyshould

beableto tellyouwhy,

andthenyouwon’t

bedisappointedand

youcanmakeother

arrangements.This

couldbea veryfruitful

conversationwithyour

friendsasyoumay

needsupportagain

• andsomightthey.
  ✿Kerenwelcomesyourletters,emailsandtexts,butshecannotreply to individual
  cases and will select correspondence at random for publication.

A FRIEND?

PHOTO: (POSED BY MODELS): GETTY

WHAT MAKES

Shewon’tfollowrules

Q

Mygranddaughterhascome

tolivewithusassheis going

touniversitynearby.

Theproblemis shewalksarounda

lotofthetimewithhardlyanything

on.Myhusband,hergrandfather,

findsit very uncomfortable.

I’vetoldhertoputmoreclotheson

andherresponseis,‘I walkaboutlike

thisat homeandmyparentsthinkit’s

fine. I wantto feel comfortable.’

Belinda,Leeds

A

Shedoesn’tunderstandthereare

differentrulesin differenthouses

andthateveryonewantsto feel

comfortable.Atthemoment,her

grandfatherdoesn’t,andit’shishome.

It wouldbegoodif youcouldallhave

a chataboutthewayyouwantto live

together.Maybegeteveryoneto write

downwhattheythinkis importantin

sharedliving.Thendecidebetweenyou

howyou’llbehave,whichmayinvolve

somecompromiseoneveryone’spart.

If youcan’treachanagreement,you

mayhaveto includeherparents,but

emphasiseyou’retreatingherasan

adultandwantto sort this out between

the three of you.