You South Africa – 29 August 2019

44 | 29 AUGUST 2019 you.co.za

I marriedyoungandmywifesupport-

edmethroughverydifficulttimesasI

builtwhat’sbecomea verysuccessful

company.I wasfocusedonmakingmoney

anddidn’thavetimeformywifeandsonand

hegrewupwithoutreallyknowingme.

I fellinlovewithmysecretarybutI now

knowsheplannedtoseduceme.I endedup

gettingdivorcedandmarriedhertwoyears

ago,buthavenowrealisedshecaresonly

aboutmoneyandnotaboutme.Shedoesn’t

evenbothertopretendshelovesmeand

cheatswithmenherownage.

MyeyeshavebeenopenedtoolateandI feel

despondent.I missmyfirstwife.I misshersup-

portandthefactthatshereallylovedme.She

hasn’tremarriedbutI feelsoashamedI don’t

knowif I cantellherI’verealisedwhatI lost.

Mylifeis a mess.I don’tseemywayclearto

stayingwiththisshallow,selfishandself-ab-

sorbedcreature.WhatdoI do?

Alex,email

You need to address one problem at a

time. If you no longer love your current

wife and have realised she doesn’t love

you, tell her you want to end the marriage and

get a good divorce attorney. She'll probably try

to get everything she can from the estate as she’s

used to living in luxury now, so you need to be

prepared for a fight.

Don’t do anything regarding your first wife be­

fore you’ve extracted yourself from your present

messy relationship as this will only complicate

matters. Once your divorce is final, give yourself

time to reconnect with your first wife and see how

she feels. You can’t simply assume she’ll be willing

to have you back and try again.

You need time to be sure of your own feelings

too – do you really love your first wife or do you

love the fact that she was supportive and gave you

what you needed? Perhaps you should consider

meeting other people. You might find you want

to start a relationship with someone new – and

this time with your eyes wide open.

I’MINA MESSOF

MYOWNDOING

I thoughtmyboyfriendand

I hada verygood,satisfying

sex-lifebuthe’sjustgivenme

theshockofmylife– he’stoldme

he’smadlyinlovewitha manand

thinkshe’sgay.

I simplycan’tbelieveit because

whenwemadelovehewasalways

anenthusiasticpartner.Therewas

noindicationatallthathewasn’t

enjoyingit.

What’shappeningtohim?What

shouldI do?I don’tunderstand.Did

I dosomethingwrong?

Riana,email

Yourboyfriendhasprobably

realisedhe’sbisexual– ifhe

isn’t,he’sa verygoodactor.But

it’snotactuallysoeasytofakeenthu­

siasmduringsexwithsomeonewho

knowsyouwell.Sohisenthusiasmdur­

ingsexwasmostlikelyreal,buthe’s

nowacknowledgedanotherpartofhis

sexuality.

Thefactofthematterishe’sinlove

withsomeoneelseandthere’snothing

youcandotochangethat.Youhaven’t

doneanythingwrong.It’sjustthat

yourboyfriendunfortunatelydidn’tac­

knowledge(orperhapsevenrecognise)

hisbisexualityuntilafteryoubecame

a couple.

Youcan’tdoanythingaboutthe

relationshipifhe’smadeuphismind

thathewantstoenditbecausehe’s

inlovewithsomeoneelse.Although

ithurtsrightnow,youshouldbeglad

he’sbeenhonestwithyouabouthis

feelings.

Itmaytakea whiletogetoverthe

shock,emotionalpainandsadness,but

eventuallyyou’llfeelstrongenoughto

moveon.Likemostpeoplewho’vehad

a disappointmentinlove,you’llputit

behindyouintime.

I’m 60 andextremelylonely.

My parents have both

passed on, my siblings have

all died and my only son is in the

USA doing his own thing. Although

I visit him and his family once a

year for a few weeks, it doesn’t

make up for the rest of the year and

the loneliness I feel most of the

time.

I live in a retirement village but

I don’t want to make friends with

anyone here because there’s such a

lot of in-fighting and gossiping. I’d

rather keep to myself.

When I lived in my own home I

had a dog who was my constant

companion but he had to be put

down because he was so old around

the time that I moved.

How do I get through the rest of

my life? I’m still very healthy and

people say I don’t look my age.

Maureen, email

Yourlifewillbeextremely

boringifyourefusetointeract

withpeopleandhaveonly

yourselfforcompany.Ifyourhealth

remains good, you have many won­

derful years ahead of you and should

make them as enjoyable as possible.

Sostartliving!There’splentyyou

candotogetoutandmeetpeople

otherthanthoseattheretirement

village.

You could do volunteer work at local

hospitals and visit people who don’t

have anyone coming to see them.

You could get involved at an animal

shelter where you can give love and

affection to dogs and cats – this is

probably a good option considering

you’re missing your furry friend.

Another option is to get involved

in an outdoor activity you enjoy.

All these things will provide oppor­

tunities to enrich your life and meet

and get to know a variety of people.

‘I alwayssaidmoneycanbuy

youa finedog, butonlylove

canmakeit wagitstail’

• KINKYFRIEDMAN,AMERICANMUSICIAN

ASKDR

LOUISE

Write to Dr Louise, PO Box 39410, Moreletapark 0044,

or email [email protected].

I’VE HAD THE SHOCK OF MY LIFE

HOW DO I GET THROUGH THE REST OF MY LIFE?

YOU LIFESTYLE