Horse & Hound – 22 August 2019

28 Horse& Hound22 August 2019

therapy.Evenif I couldn’tcompete,if I hadno

timetoride,if I onlyhad 15 minutesa daywith

her,that’swhatI’ddo.”

WhenLunawasturnedaway,Amyfeltshe

had“lostheridentity”.Sheneedsthatcontact

tofeellikesomeonewhois notonlya mother.

Now,whenherpartnerarriveshomefrom

work,shewillridewhilehefeedsthechildren,

howeverlatethatis.

“He’ssosupportiveasheknowshow

importantit is forme,”sheadds.

I

T’Snotjustmotherswhohavetobalance

working,ridingandcaringfortheir

children.

JakeTarrant,ofLittleBentleyEventing,

splitupwiththemotherofhisnownine-year-

oldsonHarrysoonafterthebirth.

“WhenHarrywasa baby,it washardwork,”

Jakesays.

“Iwassoluckytohavemyownliveryyard,

soHarry’sgrownupwithhorses.Prettymuch

sincehecouldtalk,he’sbeentellingpeople

whattodo.”

Jakesaysthatwhilethingsareeasiernow

Harryis older—andnotjustthankstothe

Xboxinthelorry—hismainadviceto

parents-to-beis nottobescaredofasking

forhelp.

“So many people think you have to do it all,

HAVING IT ALL

butyoumightendupresentingyour

child,”hesays.

“Peopleareselfishcreatures.

Havinga childaffectswhatyoucan

doandyouresentthat,whichmakes

it easytothrowa stropandsay:‘What’s

thepointindoingwhatI wanttodo

if I don’tenjoyit?I’mjustgoingto

giveit up.’

“Learntobalanceanddealwith

it fromthestart.Yourparentsmight

livetoofaraway,buttheremaybe

someoneelsewhocouldhelpoutsoyou

canride.

“Havingsomeonewho’s100%reliant

onyoutakesnotonlyyourtime,butalso

youremotions,yourbeliefinwhoyouare.

Findingtimeforyourself,whoyouwereand

whatyoucanbe,is thegreatest method for

copingwithchildren.”

O

NEofthebiggestchallengesis trying

tofiteverythingin,butJenniWinter

ofFlyingChangesCoachingsaysit is

allaboutpriorities.

“Whateveryoudecidetodo,it’saboutyour

values,”sheexplains.“Somepeoplearequite

happytoletthehorsesgowhentheyhave

children,whileotherswouldsay,‘Noway’.

“Ifwhatyougetfromhorses—exercise,

a get-away,socialising—is importantenough

toyou,you’llfinda waytomakeit happenand

maybedropsomethinglowerdownthelistof

prioritiesinstead.

“Theotherday,I sawa babybouncer

hangingoutsidea stable,sothechildcouldgo

intherewhiletheparentmuckedout.There’s

a solutionforeverything,it’sabouthowwilling

youaretomakeit work.”

Someridersloseconfidenceafterchildbirth

and Jenni says the brain “rewires itself ” as you

nowhavesomeoneentirely

dependentonyou.

“It’syourbraintrying

tokeepyouandyourchild

safe,butthatdoesn’tmean

youhavetoletit takeover,”

sheadds.

Jennisaysridersshould

beopentodroppingdown

a fewlevelsincompetition,for

example,givingthemselvestimeto

rebuildbothmentallyandphysically.

Shealsoadvisesthatflexibilityis key,so

workingmumswhohavealwaysbeenonDIY

mayneedtolookintofullorassistedlivery.

“Itmightseemexpensive,butit mightbe

worthit forthechancetoridemore,”shesays.

“Mostpeopleusetheirtimetoearnmoney.

Thisis justspendingmoneytobuyyourself

time,whichyouneedtohavehorsesandkids.

“Ifridingis thatimportanttoyou,it’spart

ofyourmentalwellbeing,sofinda waytokeep

doingit.Post-nataldepressionis realand

takingawaysomethingthatgivesyoujoycan

onlydomoreharmthangood.”

Andforanyonestrugglingwitha young

baby,orwonderingwhethertheywillgetback

topost-pregnancysuccess,surelyJonellePrice

is aninspiration.

TheKiwieventercame10thatPauCCI4*

(nowCCI5*)inOctober2017,lessthantwo

monthsaftershehadherfirstchildOtis,then

wentontowinBadmintonsevenmonthslater.

“Itwasbusinessasnormal,”shesays.“Iwas

luckyinthatit didn’taffectmyconfidenceat

allandnowI justhavetobemoreorganised.

I’vemadesomechanges.I getupat6amrather

than7amtogotothegym,forexample,but

everythingis achievable.

“Childrenshouldand can enhance your life,

not hinderit.”H&H

‘Findingtimefor

yourselfisthegreatest

methodforcoping

withchildren’

EVENT RIDER JAKE TARRANT