Some excuses for missing work are so
dumb they are almost inspired. (Feel
free to borrow from these in the future.)
✦The employee said that he
couldn’t come to work because his
fortune-teller had asked him not
to step out of the house or he would
suffer a brain hemorrhage.
✦An employee refused to come
to work because his fish was unwell.
✦The employee said he’d gotten
drunk the night before and was now
suffering from a hangover.
✦The employee insisted he’d locked
himself in his house by mistake
and that the house did not have any
windows to crawl out of.
✦An employee said his mother made
his favorite dish and he ate too much.
—jobcluster.comDoctors and nurses in hospitals work
long, strenuous hours. Sometimes
it shows up in the odd things they
accidentally write in the patient charts.
✦The patient is tearful and crying
constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.
✦On the second day the knee was
better and on the third day it had
completely disappeared.
✦Bleeding began in the rectal area
and continued all the way to Los
Angeles.
✦She is numb from her toes down.
✦The skin was moist and dry.
✦Social history reveals this 1-year-
old patient does not smoke or drink
and is presently unemployed.✦Patient has two teenage children
but no other abnormalities.
—nursebuff.com and nurseslabs.comOf course, sometimes HR itself is the
issue, thanks to some questionable
workplace directives.
✦I’m a teacher, so I have a million
stupid rules I have to follow. But the
worst one is that my performance
evaluation is based on student im-
provement on a statewide literacy
test. I teach wood shop.
✦At my old job, HR held a meeting
to tell us that there was too much
swearing on the sales floor. Someone
pointed out that swearing is very
common in our industry and that is
the way that our customers speak.
HR later sent out a memo explaining
that swearing should be limited to
conversations with clients.
✦My workplace doesn’t let you
use the word problems. Instead, we
have to say challenges if something
is wrong. —reddit.comDUMB
BOSSES
After two days of heated wrangling,
we got one of our vendors to agree
to a 35 percent discount. As we were
about to sign the contract, my boss,
who had not been a party to the
negotiations, walked in and tore it
up, saying, “I’m going to teach youReader’s Digest
100 march 2019
ali^ blumenthal^ (photo^borders)