Reader

Inspirational quotes from the men
and women who lead us during the
workweek:
✦I know my plan won’t work, but
don’t disagree with me in front of
others.
✦If you are on schedule, then your
plan was not aggressive enough. If
you are behind schedule, you must
be goofing off.
✦What this department lacks is
leadership.
✦Bonuses in my department are
awarded to team players who have
demonstrated an appreciation for
my leadership.
✦I tried to e-mail you to tell you
that my e-mail wasn’t working, but
my e-mail wasn’t working. —inc.com

I got a citation in my employee file
because I told my boss that Bob
Marley did not sing “Red Red Wine.”
— @daberhasher

DUMB

CUSTOMERS

Found this gem of an e-mail in the
inbox today:
Client: Hello. My fiancée and I are
looking for a wedding photographer
but are having some issues with the
contracts we are coming across. We
want a clause that guarantees us a
refund should we ever get divorced,
since we would not need the photos

in that situation. Please let me know

if this is something you have in your

contract or would be willing to add.

Thank you! —clientsfromhell.net

A customer came to the counter and

wanted to buy a Big Mac. When I told

her we didn’t have those, she asked

for a Whopper instead. I told her we

didn’t have those either, and she got

mad at me and walked away. I work

at KFC. —pleasefireme.tumblr.com

Three designers share their oddest

client requests:

✦I want you to build me an app

store. Like the Apple App Store, but

better.

✦The roast duck on the menu looks

kind of dull. Can you make it look

more alive and happy?

✦Can you please move the image

up a tad and down a hair?

—clientsfromhell.net

When you’re a cop, Joe and Jane Public

are your clients. And on occasion

you can expect bizarre 911 calls such

as these.

✦A woman requested to talk with

a police officer because her house-

keeper wasn’t putting her towels

away properly.

✦Police receive a report of a new-

born infant found in a trash can.

Upon investigation, officers discover

it was only a burrito.

✦ During a disturbance call, a man

gave an officer a false name and was

rd.com 103

Humor Reader’s Digest