Sсiеntifiс Аmеricаn Mind – September – October 2019 (Tablet Edition)

(Wang) #1
OBSERVATIONS

You’ve Heard


of Postpartum


Depression


but Probably


Not Postpartum


Anxiety
More accurately known as perinatal anxiety,
and like most people, I had no idea it existed
until it struck me

F


our days after the birth of our daughter, my
husband and I brought her home from the
hospital. We were exhausted but giddy, ready
to start our new lives. For nine months I had imag-
ined what those first weeks at home would be like:
sleepless nights, bleary-eyed arguments, a few
late-night tears, all bundled up in the soft happy
glow of new motherhood. In short, an adventure.
But none of that materialized. What I came up
against instead was a sheer wall of blinding panic.
We had left the hospital with instructions to
wake our newborn up every three hours to feed,

but by the time we got home and settled in, five
hours had elapsed, and nothing would rouse her
long enough to nurse. She lay limp in my arms,
drifting in and out of sleep, howling uncontrollably
just long enough to tire herself out. We took our
cues from the Internet and tickled her feet with ice
cubes, placed wet towels on her head and blew

onto her face but only managed to upset her more.
And somewhere between trying to persuade
her to latch for what felt like the hundredth time
and willing my body to stay awake, it struck me
that I had made a terrible mistake, one that I could
never unmake. My stomach lurched, my hands and
feet went numb, and my heart began to pound. GETTY IMAGES

Dana Najjar is a software engineer
currently pursuing a master's in science
journalism at New York University.
She is originally from Beirut, Lebanon.

OPINION

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