A date with Sarah-Kate
PICTURES:BAUERSTUDIO.Kate’s home truths
I
wasona hikewith
somegirlfriendsnear
Queenstownrecently
whenI stoppedfor
thefifthtimetore-tie
my shoelaces.
EversinceI lostfour
toenailswalkingthe
Milford Track,I’vebeen
understandablyparticular
aboutmyshoesandI like
theonesI nowhavebecause
they’reuber-comfortable,
pinkandonlycost$67owing
tobeinginthewrongbox.
Buttheshoelacescome
undonea lot.
AndasI bentover,
grumbling,totiethemup
againonthisoccasion,one
ofmyfellowhikerssaid,
“Oh,it’stheroundshoelaces.
Youshouldgetflatones.”
Now,I’mnotevensureI
hadnoticedthattherewere
two distinct sorts of shoelacesintheworld,roundorflat.But
if I had,no-oneinmywhole
life– andthere’sbeenquite
a lotofit – hasevertoldme
thattheflatonesdon’tcome
undone.
Howcouldthisvital
pieceofinformationhave
escapedme?
It’slikethedayI discovered
theolivepipper.I spenta
bitoftimeinGreeceonmy
OEwhenI wasinmy20s,
developinganabidingtaste
forolives,whichstayedwith
meonceI gothometoNew
Zealand.
Thesedays,youcanbuy
thempipped,butintheolden
days,youhadtogetthem
whole,cutaroundthem,
twistoffonehalf,then
extractthepipfromthe
remaininghalf.
It wasa messy,time-
consuming business andagainit wasa palwatching
me,a painedlookonher
face,whosuggestedI just
buythepurpose-made
implement.
ButhowcouldI when
I didn’tknowtherewas
sucha thing?Is therea list
somewherethatno-one’s
toldmeabout?If so,I want
thatlist.
Couldit bethatthere’s
a simpleanswertokeepinga
tidy desk?
Actually,I knowtheanswer
tothat– thereis.Hisname
is Ashokandheworksat
the TajLandsEndhotelin
Mumbai.WhentheGinger
wenttheretoworkona film,
I wentwithhimandwrote
fromhisluxuriousroom.
Ashokwouldcomein
everydayandcleanmydesk- whileI wasstillatit.I loved
him. But he did not appear to
wanttocomebackwithme
tomyreallifetokeepup
thegoodjobanddespitemy
predilectionforneatness,
mymessydeskremainsa
constantsourceofirritation.
Soif there’sanolivepipper
forthat,I needtoknowif it’s
onthelist.
Oh,butmygifttoyou?
Youcanuseanolivepipper
topipa cherry..
Myothergifttoyou?You
knowhowmoderncupcakes
haveheapsoficingbutyou
sortofhavetoeattheicing
first?That’sfinebyme
becauseI onlyliketheicing.
Butif youwanttospread
thebase/toppingratioa bit
more evenly,gentlypullthe
toppartofthecakeapart,
turnit overandsquashit
downsoyouendupwith
anicingsandwich.Boom!
I’ll bet that’s on the list.I
recoiledinhorrorthe
otherdayasI watched
mydaughterorderingin
a café.It’sallmyfault– I
takefullresponsibility.
Yousee,I’ma fussyeater
andthereforea fussyorderer.
Tobefrank,I’meverywait
staff’sworstnightmare.My
perfectdining-outexperiences
aretheplaceswithlaminated
menuswithpicturesofthe
food.Youknowexactlywhat
you’regetting.
Failingthat,I needa
fullrundownanddetailed
descriptionofprettymuch
everyitemontheplate,how
it’scooked,positioned,
presentedandwherethe
saucemightbe.
Soit waswithhorror,but
alsoreticentacceptance,that
I watchedmydaughterorder.
“Whatcomeswiththeburger?”shebegan.
Thewaitresslooked
confused.“It’sa burger.”
“Yes,butwhatelseis init?”
mydaughteraskedcheerily.
“Likeis theretomatoinit?”
“No,”thewaitressreplied,
“butwecanaddtomato.”
“No,I don’tliketomato,
I wasjustchecking,”my
daughtercontinued.“Sowhat
elseis withthepatty?”
“Lettuce,aioli,sauce,onion
...,”thewaitresslisted.
“Ohno,”mydaughter
interjected,stoppingher
at“onion”.“No,noonion.
Hmmm,whataboutthepizza- doesit haveonion?”
“No,”thewaitressreplied.
“Isthepizzapossible
withouttheham?”my
daughterasked.
“Yes,it’spossible,” the
waitress sighed.
“OKgreat,”mydaughter
said.“ThencouldI please
havethepizza,butwithout
theham,andinsteadofthe
mixedsidesalad,canI getjust
lettuceandcucumber,but
withnodressing?”
“Lettuceandcucumber,
nodressing,”thewaitress
repeatedlikeshewishedit
wastheendofhershiftand
shecouldleaveourtable.
“Yep,”mydaughterchirped,
“andanapplejuice...noice.”
“Applejuice... noice,”the
waitressdeath-staredback
ather.
Myhusbandwasshaking
hishead,lookingatme.
“Lookwhatyou’vedone,”
heexhaled.“You’vecreated
a monster.”
Atthispoint,helikes
toshowoffasthe“I’lleat
anything” kind of guy thatheis,sohesnapshismenu
shutandsays,“Burgerfor
methanks.”
“Withorwithout
anything?”thewaitressasked.
“Asit comesis perfect,”
beamedmyhusband.
Whata smartypants.
ShelookedatmeandI took
a deepbreath.
“Prepareyourselfforthe
questions,”hewarnedthe
waitress.
“Hi,”I begancoyly.“What’s
thefishtoday?”
“Terakihi,”shereplied.
“OK,whatsaucedoesit
comewith?”I began,atwhich
pointthewaitresslookedinto
themiddledistanceclearly
wishingtheearthcould
swallowherup.
“I’llgogetmypenandpad,”
sheofferedup,sighing. “This
might take a while.”Kategetsa grilling whileorderingfromthe menu
RESTAU-RANT!
S a rah-Kategivesusherbestlifehacks
GAME CHANGERS
76 Woman’s Day