adviser. Maintaining my sanity was
challenging some days, but with my
counselor’s help and the support of
my family, I made it. We all go through
tough times, and it’s okay to say, You
know, I just need something different. No
disrespect to your partner or your ex,
but you might just have to recognize
that you’re going in different direc-
tions. I had to put the picture-
perfect fantasy aside so that I could
focus on finding the right life, the right
relationship and the right kind of
happiness—for me. That’s been a
huge shift for me, but I’m staying true
to what Zuri and I need.
Right now co-parenting is what’s
important to my ex and me. We may
no longer be together, but we’d like
to make sure that the respect is still
there. Zuri needs to have a strong and
healthy relationship with her father. It
was important for us to continue in
counseling to help us co-parent in
the most positive way we can. You
have to do whatever works for
you and your family, and that’s what
I’m trying to do—what we’re try-
ing to do.
Our ultimate goal is to make sure
Zuri is safe and happy and has a
strong relationship with both of her
parents. As a Black girl, she needs
her dad in her life to show her affec-
tion and love. Her grandfather, too,
teaches Zuri how she should be
treated and adored. When she
grows up and starts dating, she will
remember what it feels like to be
well loved. It takes a village. If you
are sharing parenting duties, I encour-
age you to find the common
thread—which is your children—and
put aside your issues, your unhappi-
ness, your anger from the past.
I’m not going to lie. There aregood days and bad days, but one
thing I know for sure is that I’m
doing my best. God has really
blessed me. Even when I didn’t see
it, He was blessing me. I now see
that when I thought I was losing
something, God was just opening
up a door for something new and
better to come into my life.
When Zuri was just a few weeks
old, I remember singing “This Little
Light of Mine” to get me through
some of the roughest days. As some
of you know, I grew up singing in
church, and something about that
classic hymn always calmed my spirit. It
reminded me that we all have a light
inside us that’s meant to shine, and
thankfully, I’ve passed that light on to
my daughter. In the words of my girlIndia.Arie, “I am light.” I am also
beautiful, special, quirky, ambitious,
happy and made to be great. Never
again will I dim my light for anything
or anyone. That is the lesson I want
to pass on to my daughter, so I must
lead by example.
Being a single mother doesn’t
have to mean you’re unhappy: I
bought my first home a few years
ago, I star on Power and I’m dating
again. I didn’t get married, and I
don’t have a fairy-tale love story
(yet), but I’m stronger than ever and
having fun too. With everything I’ve
been through in my life—like notworking for a few years, being
kicked out of a girl singing group
[3LW] and experiencing heartbreak
in love—the biggest lesson I’ve
learned is patience. That’s what it
took for me to get to this point, and
I’ll need it to keep growing as a
woman, a mother and a future wife.
I’ve also learned what I will and
will not accept. I won’t just jump
into a relationship because I may
feel lonely or want companionship.
Ladies, it’s so important to seek
your own happiness first, then,
when the time is right, get into a
relationship that nurtures you. Be
patient, sis. It will come to you.
And you deserve it.With all my love,Naturi
I had to put the
fantasy aside
so I could find
the right kind of
happiness
—for me.”ESSENCE.COM I 143 I SEPTEMBER 2019