THE SOLVE(^) B
O
D
Y
(^) &
(^) S
O
U
L
The Secrets to More
Satisfying Sex
W
hen it comes to getting intimate, no one minds your
between-the-sheets business quite like Shan “Shan
Boody” Boodram (below), a certified sexologist,
a dating coach and one of YouTube’s go-to girls for all things
sex positive. With more than 35 million views and counting,
Boodram’s no-nonsense real-talk channel has catapulted her
to the top of our social feeds. We know having satisfying sex
is essential self-care, so we asked the Canadian-born best-
selling author to give us the deets on how to achieve it after
she recently published her new book, The Game of Desire:
5 Surprising Secrets to Dating With Dominance—and Getting
What You Want.
ESSENCE: It can be challeng-
ing to enjoy sex when you’re
not yet emotionally intimate.
What’s a single girl to do?
SHAN BOODRAM: The best pos-
sible way to please yourself is
when you’re alone in front of a
mirror. I’m a TENGA ambassa-
dor, and the pleasure-product
company surveyed more than
10,000 men and women across
nine countries for its 2019
Self-Pleasure Report. It found
that women who use a sex toy
are more satisfied with every
aspect of their sex life than
women who don’t, especially
when it comes to orgasming.
Just give yourself permission.
People who know how to do it
for themselves are more able to
do it with others.
ESSENCE: How can we take
what we’ve learned about self-
pleasuring into the bedroom?
BOODRAM: We need to arm
ourselves with words to describe
what we feel. A great resource is
omgyes.com, which details the
science behind how women orgasm and defines terms like
orbiting, consistency and layering. So when you get to the
bedroom, you’ll now have a way to express what you like and
why. You can say, “Direct stimulation on my clit is just too
much for me. I prefer if there’s a barrier.” That’s layering. If you
didn’t have the word, it might be difficult to put your desires
into a language that your partner can understand.
ESSENCE: What do you recommend for getting out of
a s exual rut?
BOODRAM: The simplest thing is to do exciting things
together. Make some tweaks
because your brain gets sur-
prised by every [new] trick. Try
changing your tone of voice or
bringing in coconut oil if you’re no
longer using condoms. It’s about
honoring what works for you.
ESSENCE: Busy women often feel
that having sex is more like a
chore. What should they do?
BOODRAM: The majority of sex-
ual encounters don’t last that
long, so when people say they
don’t have time, what they
mean is that they don’t want to
do all the prep work. If you lead
a hectic life, don’t put off sex
until the end of the day. If you’re
a morning person, use that to
your advantage, and if you’re
horny throughout the day, com-
municate that to your partner.
Start the foreplay before you
even get together.
We called on one of the Internet’s most sought-after sexperts for advice
The best possible way to
please yourself is
when you’re alone in front
of a mirror.”
For more expert rela-
tionship and sex advice,
check out The Solve pod-
cast, which is hosted by
ESSENCE Relationships
Director Charli Penn.
BY CHARLI PENN
- RE
ES
E (^) Z
IG
GA
(^) Z
AG
GA
ESSENCE.COM I 144 I SEPTEMBER 2019