“Yo
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ig
,^ b
ut
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e^
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t^
tr
ue
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y
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rs
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f^
yo
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y”
shows me a traditional Zulu out-
fit hanging from the hallway mirror.
Despite being mainly worn by men,
last year she donned it for the official
celebration of her grandfather’s 90th
birthday in South Africa. “I thought,
‘Let me just come out as my true self
for once in my life’. It made so much
noise. This guy on Twitter was like,
‘It’s an insult’. I don’t know why they
felt emasculated. People try to always
make you submissive. If I tried to play
that role, I wouldn’t be here today.”
What did her grandpa think of her
outfit choice? “He loves me. He under-
stands me. We chat all the time.”
Toya is redefining what it means
to be a Zulu princess. If her Face-
book page is anything to go by, she
has hordes of fans back home who
applaud her authenticity and vis-
ibility. Sample comment: “Your voice
is making a difference. Make those
waves until you cover the entire
planet.” But, she reports
regretfully,“There are still people that will try
and be awkward. Don’t tell me to
wear a dress. This is not a game. This
is my life. We can’t have arguments
about who I am. Are you trying to kill
me? It’s not just that I want to fight
what the rules are. I’m trying to stop
people messing with my head.”
As we get comfy in the liv-
ing room, I notice a stack of books
next to the sofa. The top one has an
illustration of Buddha on the front
and is titled How To Get Peace Of
Mind. “Can I borrow that?” I half
joke. “I was reading it a lot earlier
this year,” she says. Like all of us,
Toya is searching for answers.
She’s trying to figure out how
to be an authentic artist, how
to live with profound loss, and
how to keep her mind healthy
despite facing hate for simply
being herself. She was born with
a prescribed role in this world,
but it is her destiny to carve
out her own untrodden path.
Our mood is philosophical
until she punctures it with
mock outrage, “I never
thought I’d be this
person. Buddha
books and
medita-
tion!What’s going on?”
Then Toya makes another shock-
ing confession. This summer some-
thing happened that made her realise,
once and for all, she’d finally accli-
matised to life in the UK. “Love Island
consumed my life!” We bond over our
mutual abhorrence of Michael’s toxic
masculinity and adoration for Maura,
the Irish sex kitten/feminist icon who
made “fanny flutters” the catchphrase
of the season. We both say how
chuffed we are that Amber won. “Who
thought Love Island would bring the
nation together, eh? During this time
of Boris, it was like, actually the peo-
ple can choose! I just wish Maura was
with Amber,” she sighs wistfully.
There’s a collection of hazy, arty
Polaroids up on the wall, mostly of
Toya and her fiancée kicking back,
mucking about, being photogenic.
They’ve been together almost eight
years. “Life’s weird. A Zulu girl and a
French woman. I’ve found my person.”
As we cheers our glasses, I wonder
aloud what relationship wisdom she
has to share. “When you do go
through big bumps, don’t give up so
quickly. Be open to each other all the
time. Try to understand one another.”
Does she want kids? “Of course! I’d be
a great mum. The way I grew up... I
think differently now, thank God.
Those things leave scars. Whatever
this whole life cycle is, I want to
experience it all.”See Toya at HearHer Festival, 11-13 October,
hearherfestival.com. Funani is out now>>>43COVER STORY | TOYA DELAZY
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OTO
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