we didn’t know? What if no one
came? But after meeting our next-
door neighbor, it was decided.
We called it a “friendraiser.” We’d
keep it simple, an easy potluck, so
we could focus on getting to know
people rather than sweating in the
kitchen to impress everyone.
“A party is an ideal way to intro-
duce yourself to a new neighbor-
hood,” says Jenny Mayfield, head
of communications and policy for
Nextdoor, a social-networking plat-
form for neighborhoods. Of course,
she says, you don’t need to be new
to open up your home to neighbors.
Through Nextdoor, says Mayfield,
neighbors meet for a variety of
reasons—to raise money for a local
charity, to find a missing dog. Other
ideas: Start a book club. Organize a
multifamily yard sale. Host a winter-
coat drive.
The genius of our housewarming
gathering, agrees Mayfield, was that
we asked the handful of people we’d
met to invite the people they knew.
Amy and Jordan invited Nicki and
Greg, another young couple down
the block. Anthony—the stay-at-home
dad I’d met at the children’s library—
came with his family as well as a cou-
ple with a baby the same age as our
son. A former coworker I hadn’t spo-
ken to in years, the only neighbor
we’d known before buying our house,
came with his wife and daughters.
Even though Jim and I had spent
countless hours commiserating over
work-related troubles, I knew very
little about his private life. Since that
party, I’ve counted him as a friend—as
I do everyone I met for the first time
that night. By dessert, our house was
teeming with families: strangers to
us, friends and acquaintances to one
another. Neighbors, one and all.
MY HUSBAND AND I absolutely love
our new home. But the feeling of
home, I’m learning, extends so much
beyond one’s house. It’s a network of
moms that came to my rescue when
I found myself in sudden need of a
reliable nanny. It’s the neighbor who
insisted I accept a lift home from the
train station the night it was pouring
rain. It’s knowing who lives behind
the parted curtains across the street,
and checking in on one another after
a big storm. It’s baking cookies for
Buddy and Darlene as a thanks for
letting us use their leaf blower, and
commiserating with the barista over
our toddlers’ sleep struggles.
Sometimes it’s having the courage
to kindly ask the guy across the street
to pick up his dog’s waste rather than
silently fuming or calling the police.
While it’s best if a problem isn’t your
first reason to contact a neighbor,
says Lovenheim, it’s never too late
to establish and maintain positive
neighborly relations. “Approach the
situation open to the possibility that
you’re incorrect or that there’s been
an honest mistake,” he says. Regard
your neighbor as you would a friend.
“Not every conflict is going to be
resolved in a way that feels satisfy-
ing,” says Lovenheim. “Sometimes
you have to let things go.”
Conflicts with neighbors can get
particularly sticky when it comes to
money. How do you exterminate
the poison ivy that has spread across
at least four yards? Who pays to
replace a dilapidated fence? Most
communities around the country
have a resolution center geared
toward helping neighbors resolve
minor disputes, says Lovenheim.
So for ongoing troubles, get help.
Being a good neighbor also means
learning when to become involved—
and when to butt out. For example,
when Adrienne excitedly announced
her plan to get chickens, Amy said,
“Oh, you can’t have chickens. My dog
will jump over the fence and kill
them.” I kept my opinions to myself.
“If someone is hurt or you see a
change in patterns of behavior that
makes you wonder if they’re OK—
mail piling up or a car that hasn’t
Find more tips to
establish adult friend-
ships at realsimple.com/
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70 REAL SIMPLE SEPTEMBER 2019
