I felt hollowed
out, and full of
doubt about
the future
really is heavenly. It is also
of this earth, bringing us
into intimate contact with
one beautiful part of this
planet and, for me, helping
to put life into a more
balanced perspective.
My break-up had thrown
me off kilter. But this was
a short-term reaction and
could not be compared to
my situation in 2000, when
I found myself bringing
up my two boys alone in
England, while their dad
lived in America.
An acrimonious divorce,
constant anxiety about
money and work, and my
fear of failing my children
sent me into a downward
spiral of depression,
sleepless nights, and
panic attacks. I tried
counselling, but talking
didn’t change the facts,
and the passive listeningThe beautiful Highland setting was the perfect location for Jenny
to reconnect with herselfmade me angry rather
than relieved.
My kindly GP, who had
tried to avoid putting
me on pills, eventually
prescribed SSRI
antidepressants when he
realised how bad things
had become. These saved
me. They quelled the
despair and the over-
thinking, enabling me to
get on with life, and my
most important job: being
a parent.
In true Scottish form,
the weather turns in anantidepressants that
had helped to keep my
equilibrium for 13 years.
The recent downturn
came about after I ended
a year-long relationship.
My mind told me this was
the correct decision, but
I was unprepared for my
gut response. I felt lonely,
hollowed out, and full of
doubt about the future.
After several painful
months, the only solution
I could come up with
was to train for and run
a marathon – my third- which would, out of
necessity, put me fully in
the moment, and thereby
halt the obsessive spiral of
doubts.
The race starts on high,
exposed moorland, and
heads largely down for
the first six miles to reach
the lochside. At once, I
‘I am grateful for all I have – my wonderful sons,
family, friends, and freedom’feel the childlike thrill of
running downhill, and
have to hold myself back
from taking off too fast. I
look at my fellow runners,
intent and focused. There
is a quiet solidarity in our
pounding feet.
At this point, Douglas
firs tower to the left, and
scrub and heather to the
right, allowing views
over the moors and the
mountains.
At the village of Foyers
we get some welcome
encouragement from
spectators, and then are
out on the open road
again. Loch Ness comes
into glorious view ahead.
The tagline for this
marathon only slightly
exaggerates: “If you’re
going to put yourself
through hell, you might
as well do it in heaven.” It38 • happiful.com • August 2019