OUR CARS
e’re on the home straight.
In fact, it’s a matter of
mere weeks before the
B4 S leaves Autocar’s
long-term f leet and returns to
Alpina GB. Obviously there’ll be a
full debrief in due course, but the
impending departure of its pin-
striped form is triggering bittersweet
emotions every time I slide aboard
and start its straight six.
Mo s t of t h i s m a ga z i ne ’s e d it or i a l
staff have the privilege of sampling
several lifetimes’ worth of cars and
that’s especially true for road testers,
who drive numerous new models
every week and are expected to
assess and write reports on at least
two or three of them. Never is there
a dull moment, but the relentless
W
From the Italian peaks to another breathtaking pinnacle
ALPINA B 4 S
variability is such that the constant
of a comfortable, quick and decently
discreet long-term test steed starts to
feel very special. The B4 S is exactly
such a car, and I already know I’ll
miss it appallingly.
So now you understand why I was
looking forward to collecting the
Alpina from our road-test base after
landing nearby at Heathrow airport
one Saturday lunchtime. Not much
sleep on a three-day job involving
narrow Italian mountain roads and
a preposterously wide car had left
my charred brain cells craving its
manageable dimensions, familiar
cabin and comparatively stress-freeinsurance premium. What I didn’t
expect to hear emanating from the
engine was a rotary thud reminiscent
of helicopter blades turning from
afar. It was less pronounced with the
gearbox disengaged and dissipated
above 1700rpm or so, but sounded
too heavy-set to be top-end and that
made me very worried indeed.
On the Monday, another visit to my
nearest BMW service centre (last time
it was lambda sensors) confirmed this
was a particularly unwelcome noise
a nd t h at I shou ld e x p e c t t o b e r e l ie v e d
of the car for a short while.
As it happened, an on-the-spot
check found all eight bolts on the
crankshaft pulley hub were loose,
and simply torquing them cured
the problem immediately. The
e n g i ne w i l l at s ome p oi nt ne e d
a new hub, however, as there’s
now some wear within the bolt
holes. That will be replaced underwarranty, but if any readers know
why this odd problem might have
arisen in the first place, I’d be
interested to hear from you.
Elsewhere in the past few weeks,
one of Autocar’s Subscriber Extra
events demanded a trip to Bentley’s
premises in Crewe. A 300-mile day
with a foray onto Cheshire’s matrix
of excellent B-roads was perfect
B4 S fodder, and spotting the W12-
engined Continental GT currently
run by fellow staffer Rachel Burgess
in the factory car park didn’t make me
envious in the slightest. Not only is
the smaller car’s total lack of pretence
massively appealing, but it’s also a
car to which a slither of oversteer
comes so naturally. Priorities. A
good margin of fresh air between
the bodywork and scenery on all but
the smallest roads also allows you to
place the car confidently and wring
out the performance.
RICHARD LANEBentley concept couldn’t upstage our car
DA B , O R L AC K T H E R EO F
Almost every new car we test now
has digital radio. The software
in the Alpina isn’t enabled, and
it’s irritating when your favourite
London stations drop out by the
time you’ve reached Luton.
STEERING
The steering wheel is thin andthe action is totally instinctive.
Sport mode allows you to set the
engine map independently of
the suspension and steering, so
you can get the sharpest throttle
response with light steering.
LOATHE IT
LOVE IT
MILEAGE 7300
WHY WE’RE RUNNING IT
To s e e w h e th e r £65 , 0 0 0 i s to o m u c h
for a 4 Series without an ‘M’ on its rump
OWN ONE? SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCE
ALPINA B4 S
Price £63,000 Price as tested £72,880
Faults Crankshaft hub Expenses None
Economy 28.2mpg Last seen 31.7.19
TEST DATA
DS 7 Crossback
MILEAGE 4042 LAST SEEN 10.7.19
Passing 4000 miles in the DS 7 has
brought about a warning saying it’s
due a service – which is odd given
the official service intervals specify
four times that mileage. The car
is insistent that we have another
seven months before the full year is
up since it left the factory, but still
the warning is there. Whether this is
deliberate or indeed a fault, we’ll be
popping into a dealer. LA
Audi E-tron
MILEAGE 3841 LAST SEEN 31.7.19
Under the E-tron’s bonnet sits a
‘commando’ industrial plug that’s
interchangeable with the three-pin
domestic plug, but I can’t think of
any circumstances in which I’d ever
use it. The plug looks like the same
one you’d use to run power to a
caravan at a campsite, but I tried
hooking up to one such outlet and it
turned out to be the wrong size. AM
MG ZS
MILEAGE 11,257 LAST SEEN 24.7.19
Some friends came to visit and were
surprised (read: livid) to find that
‘my’ £17.5k MG came with a parking
camera, when their £30k-plus BMW
3 Series did not. Sometimes it’s
difficult not to be smug. Anyway, the
camera allows me to squeeze into
tight spaces with pinpoint accuracy
around my north London home. It’d
be tricky to go without now. OK
OOUURR C CAARRSS
2 1 AUGUST 2019 AUTOCAR.CO.UK 69