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V9 - FALL maskmatters.org 89
Rx for Families
LIFESCAPE PREMIER
8757 E. Bell Road, Scottsdale
480-860-5269
lifescapepremier.com
SUSAN S. WILDER, M.D.
CEO & FOUNDER OF
LIFESCAPE MEDICAL
ASSOCIATES &
LIFESCAPE PREMIER
M
y husband and I are
polar opposites on the
IQ vs. EQ spectrum.
Logic and fact rule his
world, while I tend to ride on
emotion and instinct. This created some significant
parenting challenges, although I am hopeful our kids
ended up reasonably well-adjusted in the end.
I will never forget playing Chutes and Ladders with
our eldest daughter, not even 5 years old then, when
my husband came in asking why we weren’t playing the
math games he had purchased. Our kids, bless them,
all mastered Hooked on Phonics and Hooked on Math
before entering kindergarten!
I calmly explained that we were playing Chutes
and Ladders, in which our daughter could learn critical
EQ skills, such as how to take turns, how to handle
disappointment gracefully, and how to be a good sport
whether winning or losing. Besides, I teased, I have a
calculator that can do everything those math games
teach.
As a residency director, I reviewed scores of
applications from physicians hoping for a position in
our prestigious program. Nearly all had the drive and
the IQ—the test scores and grades proving they were
intellectually up to the challenge—but many lacked
critical EQ skills like empathy, adaptability, emotional
stability, and ability to connect with others to inspire
healthy behavior change. If they were not team players,
or ever unkind to our support staff, they would not
get an interview. EQ clearly matters to personal and
professional success.
Teaching kids self-awareness, empathy, emotional
self-regulation and social skills is more critical than ever
as social media and texting threaten the very fabric of
face-to-face human connection. Setting limits on phone
time, encouraging creative play, doing volunteer work
as a family, and modeling active listening are good ways
to start.
MASK programs at all age levels and the Yale Center
for Emotional Intelligence provide helpful tools. Of
all our critical parenting duties, put a priority on EQ
development.
IMPORTANCE OF EQ
6 |STEP IN
SET BOUNDARIES
ON BEHAVIORS,
NOT EMOTIONS
Never tell your child
how they should or
shouldn’t feel, but
step in if they behave
inappropriately.
“Separate the
behaviors from your
child,” says Nechama
Finkelstein, licensed
clinical social worker.
“Your child should
always get the
message that she is
lovable just the
way she is, even
when she needs
to increase or
decrease specific
behaviors.”
7 |HEAP ON
THE PRAISE
RECOGNIZE WHEN
THEIR FEELINGS
ARE IN CHECK
“Acknowledge
situations where your
child could have let
his emotions run
amuck, but remained
in control. Then praise
him for it,” suggests
Deutschendorf.
“Say, ‘I like the way
that you didn’t get
frustrated when
your little brother
kept interfering in
your game. I noticed
you calmly found
something fun for him
to do. That was a great
way to deal with him.
How does that feel?’”
Source: Reader’s Digest