The Grocer – 10 August 2019

bogof

PB | The Grocer | XX Month XXXX Get the full story at thegrocer.co.uk Get the full story at thegrocer.co.uk 10 August 2019 | The Grocer | 61

Bogof is o cially

impressed with

Shepherd’s Place Farm,

near Doncaster. It has

come up with a fry-up

that comprises 135 items

and weighs over a stone.

Maybe one to share?

Our favourite element

is the monster brekk-

ie’s name: Terminator 2:

Judgement Day, which

ingeniously leaves space

for four more increas-

ingly terrible sequels!

A fry-up  t for

a Terminator

ad of the week: Old El Paso’s aural campaign sounds pretty good

Naturally, brands put

every e ort into making

their food look good for

adverts – but a focus on

sound is a bit less usual.

Old El Paso’s ‘Make

Some Noise’ campaign is

an aural treat. A family

prepares a Mexican feast

full of delicious sounds

• from the slicing of
  peppers to the frying
  of a panful of chicken
  strips, to the squidging
  of a lime.
  It takes in some

non-food noises too: the

tearing open of the OEP

pack, a kiss for the chef,

and the laughter of the

family as they enjoy the

meal.

The hubbub ends up

literally raising the roof

• a cute idea, though
  it requires the lolz to
  become borderline
  maniacal to pull o.
  This concluding visual
   ourish is perhaps a
  little ill-advised – a er
  all, we can’t hear it!

Couple ready

dead good

wedding bu et

Weddings o er cou-

ples the opportunity to

impress their personali-

ties upon their guests,

through everything from

music to table ‘favours’.

The best way to judge

them is, of course,

through what food they

provide. Usually  avour

and volume are the most

important factors – but

one couple last week con-

tacted online services

marketplace Bark.com

with a request designed

to show o their sustain-

ability credentials : a

‘roadkill banquet’.

Caterers won’t have

to go on a killing spree

• just prepare the 20kg
  of roadkill already in
  the lovers’ freezer (an
  amount that suggests
  the services of a careful
  driver might also be use-
  ful on the big day).

The wedding’s in

September, so work up

those squirrel and deer-

based recipes, chefs! The

pair aren’t telling their

guests what they’re up to

• let’s hope there’s plenty
  of booze to take the edge
  o when they  nd out.

Oh deer: the hungry couple head off on honeymoon

Deliveroo cycle couriers

dismayed at the sight of

‘RooCopter One’ hovering

over London can relax.

It isn’t making deliver-

ies – in fact it will have

received one ( pre take-

o ). The 20-minute heli-

copter dining experience

is on trial throughout

August to anyone keen

on a 1,000  -high meal,

taking o from Battersea.

Mind you, the idea of

helicopter delivery isn’t a

bad one. If an enterpris-

ing courier could work

up one of Leonardo da

Vinci’s pedal-powered

designs, the food deliv-

ery model could yet be

revolutionised.

To the Deliver-copter! An

airborne diner eats lunch

Londoners get

in- ight meals

D

ominic Cummings, darlings! I mean,

what an alpha male! You can see from

the size of his temporal lobes that he is

not to be messed with. My somewhat ambiguous

status within Defra a orded me the privilege of

a summons to the Enforcer’s childish meeting

at 07:58 precisely on Monday. The message was

essentially ‘shape up or ship out,’ although with

some slightly di erent words. It was enough to

make a lady blanch, petals, although happily

there were few enough of those present among

the largely female special advisers. Most

important of all, we were told, it would be a

capital o ence to breathe a word of anything that

was said. But we can keep that between friends,

can’t we, sweeties?

Meanwhile in grocery-land, BoJo is steering the

ship of state towards Doggerland (near Essex) in

a Nelson-like fashion, except that he has two eye

patches and not just the one. Your Donna has had

to resort to standing outside the Treasury with a

bucket, hoping that once he has taken his GCSE in

magical economics he will shake the money tree

out of the window so that I can tour the pound

shops of the land and make sure there will be

bread and dripping for all on 1 November. I’m

joking, of course. But only just.

It’s a sorry state of a airs, but not as sorry as it

is for the hapless victims of Drastic Dave’s latest

cull, among others. It seems July was the worst

retail month on record as con dence evaporates

amid the miasma of Bwrecksit uncertainty.

Happily this does not a ect Eton-educated

millionaires, and Fortnums are reportedly doing

rather well. So not to worry.

DONNA

PSEY

FOOD RETAIL EXPORT IMPORT & TRADE MINISTER